BPDFamily.com

Valentine's Day is the worst holiday and now the only memories I have for Vday with anyone are with her. Today is especially hard because it's when we celebrated VDay two years ago.   

I am pretty sure she is with someone new.

I have to think that for myself so I can accept it and move on, but it's so hard.  Why can't I easily detach from this?

Next will be her birthday in March.

Valentine's Day isn't the "worst holiday" unless you make it that way by feeling sorry for yourself over what you don't have in your life that lots of other people do -a stable relationship with a non-disordered romantic partner.  No one has more control over changing that situation than you do. 

I have eighteen year's worth of memories of Valentine's Days past with my BPD ex-wife.  Few of those memories are pleasant.  The solution for me is make new ones to replace them with.  I made a fantastic one yesterday; one that will be good for me and the plutonic opposite-gender friend I made it with.


Yeah, I'm sure she is, too, and I've never met her.  All I need to know to be sure is know that she is symptomatic for BPD.  She's likely to have a long string of "new someones" before she rotates off the Mortal Coil.  That goes with the territory of instable relationships that BPD's wind up in.  Rest assured than none of them will ultimately mean any more or less to her than you did or didn't.

What difference does it make to you?  If she's vacating your life, she's doing you a favor, same as mine did for me when I caught her in the act of playing "unicorn" for a married couple on December 21 of 2015. 

Mine has a girlfriend again.  She's gone through at least a half-dozen over the past 365 days.  I doesn't matter to me who she conjugates with.  All I needed to know was that she determined she'd rather conjugate with anybody but me.  I might feel sorry for the people that get involved romantically with my ex-wife, because she WILL abuse them like she did me, but that's about the limit of my concern over whether or not my ex-wife is "with someone" or not.  SHE is the one from our past relationship who NEEDS another person to make herself as whole as she can be -not me.  People with BPD need others to feel whole. 


My guess would be that you can't detach for the same reason you probably got attached in the first place: co-dependency.  A licensed therapist can help you with that. 


My ex-wife's birthday is also in March -the 31st, to be exact.  It means nothing to me now that we have been living more or less separate lives for a year now.  It is just another date on the calendar. 

Mine is on the 28th of this month.  I will spend part of it in court, where I will hopefully receive the greatest birthday present I've had for the last two decades in the form of a Final Decree of Divorce.  Happy Birthday to me !

This person you can't detach from isn't the only person out there capable of and willing to be a romantic partner for you.  Hard to believe, but true.  But you'll never know how true that is if you're co-dependent and don't get some help in being less so.