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So my daughter was so out of control and refused help.  She sabatoged her marriage by cheating and just expected her husband to just forgiver her becuase she was "sorry".  Her husband is a good guy but also has had some mental health issues of his own so they are toxic for each other.  But he is still trying to be there for her throught this ordeal.  Now let me explain, since he has left she has been OBSESSED with him.  Demanding him to talk to her and texting and calling me to tell him to talk to her(almost 200 text at one time).  Then threating to hurt herself or him or both.  She went into his place of work and broke glasses and threw barstools.  They arrested her for that but released her with just a summons and a warning not to go back to the place of busisness.  So then she went and packed his clothes and threw them in the Mississippi River (took pics to show him).  So she started a new job worked 2 days then quit going(this has been the last several jobs) so NO income.  She sleeps all day and is manic at night.  She expects you to stop everything for her.  Well now she is pissed at me becuase I got her "arrested" but when I tried to tell her with no insurance this was the route we had to go to get her help she does not want to hear it.  Before I made the report she "agreed" to go into a inpatient facility for help but she had demands on the kind of place she wanted to go.  Well I called and for a private self pay facitlity and it was 4000.00 up front and 800.00 a DAY!!! Well I can not afford that, so this is the way I had to go.  We were supped to have a meeting with her to explain the process the day before I filed the paperwork but the night before her husband, my husband and I talked and didn't think she would take it well and then would run and flip out.  So now since we didn't have a "meeting" with her I betrade her.  I'm going see her today if she allows it but my heart is breaking for her.  I know this is alot but if anyone else has been through this let me know.

We really feel for you, one crisis after another.  One of the downsides of BPD traits is that they resist meaningful help.  What is happening now... Consequences.  For too long the persons with BPD and similar acting-out (harmful to self but especially to others) patterns manage to evade consequences but it sounds like she needs that now.

Will this be her time to hit bottom and finally look up?  Or just another bottom in a series of bottoms?  Time will tell.

ForeverDad, I have to keep telling my self I didn the right thing but my goodness it is so hard.  I'm praying so hard she can come back from this.  Thank you.

Kind of alone - you did the right thing

Hi kind of Alone,

If it helps, I think you did the right thing. You had the opportunity (rightly or wrongly in her eyes) to step in and help your dd.

Of course she will be blaming you right now as to be expected and applying the guilt on you, but where she is now is better than being locked up and hopefully somewhere down the line she will end up thanking you.  :hug:

I've been in this position a few times with my BPD daughter and it's never any easier.  I learned over time that I had to find a balance between "what's best for her" and "letting her learn from her own consequences."  Sometimes, it's better for her to make critical mistakes and have everything fall to pieces, because at least then she realizes that she needs to take mental health seriously.

If your child refuses the help that you've arranged, then let her do whatever she wants to do.  Let her live the life that leads to catastrophic consequences and she'll learn just the same.  After enough of that, she might realize that you do have her best interests at heart and actually heed some of your advice.