BPDFamily.com

I have unexpectedly been in NC with my ubpd sibling for a couple of weeks and I’m amazed at the increasing clarity I have. I didn’t ask for this and (right now) hope it won’t last forever. My emotions change over the course of a day. BUT it has been interesting to see those feelings of fear, obligation and guilt lessen bit by bit over time. I can already see more clearly that I didn’t cause this and am not responsible for it and that I have put up with abusive behavior to a destructive degree.

It's amazing, isn't it?  I think of it like being inside a tornado...all you can see is the debris swirling all around you.  Yet once you step out of the storm, there's a whole world out there that the tornado hid with its wind field.

It took me over ten years before I finally cut contact with my NPD sister in law.  I discussed it with my kids first, because I was concerned about how it would affect them.  And they were good with it.  I remained no contact for 5 years, and am currently limited contact.  Though she has been trying to charm over the past year.  It was a very good 5 years of no contact.  My stress levels dropped immediately.  I felt like it brought me closer to God, and gave me a lot of clarity. I don't know what it's like for everyone dealing with a relative that is cluster B, but cutting contact really felt like the only way that I could keep my peace and protect my boundaries. Even now, we are limited contact, and I am going to be polite if I see her, but I can see that any contact with her is interpreted as proof of friendship and reconciliation.  Right now it's hard to avoid contact because my parents are elderly and both have dementia, and I have started doing two days of care taking for them.  And I believe that SIL is taking advantage of my being there to visit my parents more often. 

I wanted to add that SIL was always very controlling and mean spirited.  But when I cut contact, she suddenly changed her tune.  And she acts like she's always loved me and wants so much to be friends.  When my parents pass away, I don't expect that we'll have much to do with her or my brother at all.