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Title: What to say to kids 8 and 10 Post by: cleotokos on May 08, 2026, 08:24:36 PM Kids are at an age where they can tell when things are off. We fight when they're at school or over text so they don't see much. However they know their dad yells at them sometimes and have expressed how it makes them feel. He is refusing to do things he agreed on ie. appliance arriving tomorrow, now I will have to try to install it myself. How do I explain to these kids why I'm doing this and he's not helping? It's the kind of thing he always does and they will be confused. I don't want to negatively influence their opinion of him, I also don't like feeling like I'm hiding his behavior from them. Feels like I'm protecting him somewhat which feels very unfair. If I say he yelled at me I feel they will side with me because they have experienced it. It would not give me satisfaction, I would hate this for them. Seriously considering divorce at this point, it is quite bad. So they will have questions about that. I don't know how to explain any of this to them but I can't protect them forever.
Title: Re: What to say to kids 8 and 10 Post by: ForeverDad on May 09, 2026, 01:07:59 AM It is important to communicate with children at an age-appropriate level. There are several cautions for doing so.
Imagine if you share "BPD" or other specific terms. It is almost a given that at some point that anyone - whether adult or child - might repeat it to the disordered parent. And you can guess how that would be received. And a child may not be able to weather the response. Mental illness is hard for even us adults to comprehend. That sort of non-logical behavior just doesn't make common sense. So children will do better with examples familiar within their frame of reference. Nearly two decades ago there was a booklet written that was written for minor children, using simple terms, examples and ways to deal with persons prone to periods of poor behavior. It is listed on our |---> Books board (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=332588.0) and the booklet is named An Umbrella for Alex (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56239.0). It is well suited for a parent or therapist to cover and discuss the material. The story reassures affected children that they did not cause nor are responsible for a disordered parent’s volatile behavior. There may be other resources for children but this is one I recall. |