BPDFamily.com

I had a facility presentation today. I was pretty anxious wondering if someone would decide to drop in. First two presentations over. I'm third, 'someone' logs into the Teams aspect of it to hear me speak. I know there isn't an answer to any of this. But why would you even want to hear someone speak who you accused of horrible awful things at work?

I mean, before we started dating she would say she'd sneak into her bosses office to hear me on meetings because my voice 'soothed her'. Just brings back a gross feeling.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. It must bring up all kinds of disorienting feelings - the contrast between then and now. I hope you are able to find some stability and calm in your mind and body.

Oh do I understand the thought process. The hardest part for me is dealing with the completely irrational and the complete disregard for traditional wisdom and logic. I say it in present tense because even I understand the disorder and mental health disorders extremely well that doesn't mean that I can remove my bias entirely...no I still sit back and go WTF?

So by all means vent away my friend...trust me I get it and most of us here do as well.

Cheers and Best Wishes!

-SC-

You don't know for sure that it was her.  And even if it was, so what?  That's her problem.  Let her do her creepy stalker stuff.

I'm curious...and you might not know the answer here...has she not dated anyone else?  Usually BPDs will obsess for a bit but replace the ex pretty quickly with a new interest.  I'm surprised that hasn't happened here.

It was definitely her. Her name is not common. She’s apparently the only one of her name in the federal system. Our ID and teams stuff is all linked to our card. And I know absolutely nothing about out her, haven’t for over a year. I’d bet money she’s dated at least one person or is maybe even dating now.

Our breakup was abrupt. I truly don’t believe she thought that was happening that night. No closure and I blocked her literally everywhere. We haven’t made eye contact, had a conversation or been in the same room one time.

It just annoyed me to be honest. An actual gross feeling. Knowing how weird she was about my voice and all for years. I’m just like go away. And how chaotic the first few months were. Her saying she doesn’t feel safe around me even at work. Telling our bosses I was physically abusive . Then why time your login at my start time then log out when I’m done.

Just annoyed

This would be super discomfiting.

It's easier to give advice than take it, but: there is nothing to be gained looking for order in a disordered mind. She is acting inconsistently and erratically because that is what she does.

It's painful and weird and destabilising and you are allowed to feel all those things but you'll come through.

I am actually experiencing something similar - just bumped into uBPDx when he came into the cafe where i was laptop working. I said 'i am asking you to leave for decency' and he said 'if i leave i'm going to tell people you're controlling'. Straight up threats and triangulation.

Anyway, you might be feeling very strange, like you're not sure what reality you are in, or what reality your ex is in. It is destabilising when a supposedly reasonable adult you were intimate with, does not live in reality. I feel for you.

This is true. I just get frustrated with it all. Because me, as what I consider a relatively stable adult...would never go out of my way to be around someone I apparently 'hated' in any capacity. This person pushed me away, made her friends/family hate me, spread rumors at work...then hides around trying to catch glimpses of me or hear me. Just confusing and annoying. It's just a weird feeling knowing this is gonna happen forever. I just hope she doesn't start getting more comfortable or bold. It seems pathetic to a lot of people that I still 'care' this much, but I don't know.

First, who gives a Sh*t what other people think. Do You. The people who judge you simply do not have the capacity to understand or comprehend...that is common so just accept that in their own way they are supporting you.

There is nothing wrong with caring, but just do so from a safe distance that's all. All you can really do in relation to her is to be firm and indifferent. You already know the Sh*t show circus will continue for her which yes is sad, but that is the nature of what ails her and the best thing for you is to keep a distance so you are not collateral damage and getting hit by shrapnel.

Cheers and Best Wishes!

-SC-

Sorry that happened! I've been the target of a pwBPD in my family relating to work. It's astounding that someone would mess with your ability to earn a living.

It doesn't sound like an every day thing which is good. You can note down what happened to protect yourself if the stalking begins again. You might have a case with HR or an ombudsman.

Hopefully she'll fade from your life and you won't have to deal with this disordered person again.

I think a new interest distracts them, but the dynamic is still always there though.  They never get over the feelings of spite and anger at being abandoned/dumped, regardless of the fault they had in it happening.

who really knows. I truly have not asked anyone, learned of anyone else which I guarantee exists or has existed. She knows absolutely nothing about me nor her. I have no social media or shared friends with her. I need a new job haha I understand running into someone in the wild is possible. Here though, I can't really control my orbit. She knows that so decides to pop around randomly as a reminder she exists and I can't do a thing about it. At least it doesn't make me sad anymore.