BPDFamily.com

A lot of you have helped me in so many ways through all this madness with my sister and her most recent blow up. I keep getting that ball of anxiety in the pit of my stomach and think about ways she will reach out, what she will say when I see her again, how she will act if i go to a family function and she is there. Will she over react? Will she yell at me? Will she get physical with me? I am unable to control these thoughts sometimes. I have been trying to keep myself very busy but mi mind is still racing at all the things. She is taking up too much head space. Then I think "what if I did something wrong, is she really that bad?" and I have to go through and think of all the things that have happened and have to sit and realize that no, it's not normal, and I didn't deserve that treatment.

But with this past experience, I thought we were good... then when it had came out that I had spoken to my niece about taking them out of the bridal party prior to talking to my sister, because we weren't sure how she would take it. I have now don't the worst thing to my sister, and that was lie by not talking to her about it prior to her daughter.

When I spoke to my niece about how I was uncomfortable with my sister being a bridesmaid she told me "aunite, all she does is talk _____ about you and your relationship and how she thinks you're not happy, so you should take us both out so she wont get hurt over leaving me in it."

So that is exactly what I did, the next day I had the conversation with both of them and how I would like my wedding to be a peaceful experience and that I was requesting they step down as my bridesmaids, i mentioned that I had 2 other girls in mind. (this apparently was not said to anyone but my mother when I am hearing this story back). My sister was unhappy that I had a talk with my niece and that I had already had 2 other girls to fill their place. What I gather from this is yes... should I have trusted my young adult niece with this, probably not, I probably should have grown a pair and just had the talk with both of them generally, I understand that probably was not my best decision. But with me having backups, and them being upset about it, saying i never said that (no you didn't hear it) and that makes me think they would be happier if I was alone up there?

Please give me some guidance and let me know if what I did was wrong or if this is an over reaction

First off, congrats on the upcoming wedding!

Second, your wedding day should 100% be about the bride.  It's your dream day, it's every young woman's dream day.  It's meant to feel special and because of that, pre-wedding jitters are completely normal.  You have 100 things that could go wrong and you're probably thinking about all of them.  Again, 100% normal bride-to-be behavior.

Third, look at the bold statement I quoted from you.  Would THEY be happier?  Where did I mention anyone but you in the first two points?  Truthfully, weddings are about family and a lot of your time will be absorbed greeting guests, posing for pictures, telling the same stories many times...and everyone wants to hear it from you as they congratulate you.

What you don't want to do is worry about how someone else feels with a track record of causing chaos at family events.  All the 'who said what' stuff, all the drama, none of that is about you and your wedding.  It's about your sister and mental illness instead.

Whether you're right or wrong is not the question to ask here.  It doesn't matter at all because this one day is all about you (and family, and pictures, and traditions...but stick with me, it's still all about you).  You absolutely must let this go and allow your sister to say whatever she's going to say.  If she causes problems, so be it; that's outside your control. 

And if you can't control it, then don't worry about it.  What happens will happen...no worry required.

Your only job is to be a beautiful, happy bride.  Focus on your job and let the rest fall into place.  I hope that helps!

Thank you so much, I was hoping that my actions weren't the cause here and that it was just that, her making this about her like normal. She doesn't think I am happy and she hates that I am honestly. Your input is very much appreciated thank you!