BPDFamily.com

I’m wondering if anyone can identify.
Every so often (Once a year? Year and a half?) my wife will drop all her bpd traits.  It’s like she becomes a different person - her eyes are different, her voice is different, her speech patterns are different, she’s smiley and chatty and pleasant.  It’s like she’s broken out of a bubble and can see reality. I’ve tried to find language to describe it, and the closest thing that feels right is to say she seems “lucid.”  Sometimes these phases last a week, sometimes a couple of months.  99% of the time it corresponds with some kind of of med update or change - doesn’t matter which med or what kind of alteration.  But although the length of clarity varies, it always ends.
You would think these times would be great.  Enjoy them while they last!  She’s engaging, actually shows an interest in me and my thoughts.  But for me it’s the total opposite..  I am so unsettled, it’s unnerving, I don’t feel safe, I don’t know how to act.  I hate these phases.  In part I think I’ve learned how to navigate her disregulation, how to validate without wanting my side to be heard, how to handle projection, offense, triangulation, fear/obligation/guilt, to protect boundaries.  So when all of those things are gone, I have no idea how to act.  Who am I?  How do we engage now?
Also, I know these times never last.  I don’t want to start engaging like I would with a normal person and then get broadsided when things randomly snap back.
And anything I say during these times  will be remembered once she’s back in the bubble.  She might honestly and sincerely be interested in my thoughts and feelings, coax them out, even handle my response perfectly fine.  But then 3 weeks later if she’s back to being disregulated, she will remember the things I said 2 weeks earlier, but now through the lens of offense which I had felt safe from.  It’s like saying something perfectly fine to Sméagol, but if you do, Gollum is going to find out later.
All of this is feels horrible to live through.  Especially because she IS caring and concerned during these times of lucidity/clarity.  Her eyes are off herself.  Why are you so quiet? Why are you not talking? Why do you seem so down?  I am no more quiet or down than normal - she is just noticing for the first time. 
I don’t want to be protective during the rough patches and super up during the good times.  I desire stability, consistency, even/steady.  Whether she’s at a 2 or a 10, I want to hang out at a 7.5.  Which *feels* lousy when she’s at a 10 and I’m trying to maintain my 7.5.
I almost feel released the next time she snaps and projects on me.
Is this common? Rare? Super unhealthy? Anyone have advice on how to navigate the “good” times?

Hi AaZz...I totally know how you feel!  My uBPDh's cycle has been 2ish weeks of being at a 2, then a couple of days of being at a 10...then back to the 2!  I feel like I have spent so many cycles longing for the 10 phase, and when it hit, believing that it would last, just for him to split to a 2 a couple of days later.  I used to notice myself loosening up, communicating more, being my true self, just to put up a thick wall a day or two later.  This has worn me out both physically and mentally.  You never know when either phase is going to hit, so you are "on edge" all the time.  Like you, I am trying to keep myself stable, and to teach the kids to stay stable, no matter his mood, but it isn't easy!  For me, its the not knowing when the switch, either direction, is going to happen, its so hard to organize life!  I wish I had a suggestion, I don't, but I do totally understand where you are coming from.