BPDFamily.com

Hello. This is my first time in the group. I have a spouse with BPD, we are now separated, and the journey has been exhausting. It is great to have a space to interact with others in a similar situation. The best part of learning about BPD and having resources such as this site is learning that I am not a bad person, and that feeling that way often is a reaction to her disorder.

Hey Tim, welcome. Sorry to have met you under these circumstances. When you say separated, is this a legal separation through the courts while you two decide you want a divorce or not?  And yes, I'm assuming you're not a bad person, no one is perfect and I know I said some really mean things after years of constant abuse. They truly convince you that you're the worst person on earth, and when you believe that it starts to ruin your life. Any questions for us?

I've been here for many years and I can verify that 99.9% of our members here were not the instigators of conflict in their relationships.  (In the silver markets the "3 nines" represent quality.)

However, it can be devastatingly difficult to prosper when it seems you're in a relentless tug-of-war when you'd prefer to be on a team working together.

We have several boards here and I believe you will find the |---> Tools and Skills Workshops board (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=329744.0) very enlightening and insightful with many time-tested concepts and strategies.

Do you have any children together?  Having children, as much as children are wonderful blessings, can make a dysfunctional marriage even more difficult to manage.