BPDFamily.com

Hi all,

My younger brother has always struggled with mental health and diagnosed with bpd, anxiety, eating disorder etc.  He has worked really hard at seeing therapists and taking their advice and putting himself first in the last 15 years- we were very hopeful for a recovery. He was a little weird I would say at times but was functioning. Then he stopped taking his meds, our mom died suddenly and then everything changed. (This is the second time he has gone no contact after an outburts and scapegoating episode).

About 6 months ago he started making excuses to attend events and other family things but kept in contact.  About 3 months ago he sent his immediate family a text saying he was taking care of himself and would reach out when able. We texted him maybe once a month, if that -to try and keep touch, no reply.

Last Friday he sent a facebook message to an aunt, a cousin and a cousins wife (that we know of)- saying that he was molested when he was 2-3 years old, his email went into great detail about a pair of pants he was wearing and stopped short of saying who did it or what really happened. He also said he would be walking away is getting support and won't acknowledge any of us if he sees us in public.

The thing is, we all have asked him when he was in therapy and on meds if that had happened when we were trying to wrap our heads around helping him.  He always answered no, I have a supportive family and always have.

I don't believe he was molested, no one does- except him.  According to his email, he contacted the police, lawyers and they all said to move on with his life. The whole situation is just sad for everyone.

We as a family are respecting his wish for no contact (he is 42 years old) knowing that he isnt capable of holding a job or paying for himself.  My dad gave my sister and brother and I a considerable amount of money in Feb, my dad left it in his mailbox.  He cashed the cheque a week before he sent the email. My dad is 80 years old.

I feel guilty, I had promised my mom I would take care of him before she died.  I don't know how she would react to this. 

I'm not sure if we just respect his no contact wish, I dont know what else we can do at this point.

Thanks for listening.

Most of us, myself included, have no memories from such a young age.  That's why they're considered unreliable and and a person can even construct false memories.  Combine that with mental health issues and that's a potent mix.

He's an adult and to a certain extent is responsible for his own welfare.  Legally, it's his choice whether he will accept your help, regardless of how sincerely you promised your mother.  You have tried over the years, so don't guilt yourself overmuch.