BPDFamily.com

I am in desperate need of advice and guidance and help with situation if possible. Recently myself and my fiance who has BPD have been arguing quite a bit. A few days ago she left me and had police remove me from our house we share with her 2yo daughter. That day she had blocked me on absolutely everything and deleted everything involving us. The next day I had tried reaching out and she had police tell me not to contact her. The next day when I was to retrieve my property from our residence with a constable I was advised thst she had filed a pfa on me with no reason given. While at residence to get property I had tge constable ask her if I could talk to her before pfa was picked up and given she agreed. We had talked about financial stuff and I expressed my love for her and wishes of her dropping pfa. At one point during this she had went to her car near where I was standing and I had asked her, "Do you still love me?" She explained that yes she does she never stopped loving me. She agreed that we could discuss everything at the courthouse in 2weeks when hearing for full pfa would be placed or dismissed. We exchanged a hug and I love you back to each other. Im questioning if she will truly come back in 2weeks at hearing and we can be ok and fix us. Recent weeks of fighting have been almost like she was a different person. Mean, violent, uncaring. Im willing to weather those days for the loving and affectionate fiancé. Since the day the pfa was filed she has sent me $1 cashapp requests everyday. Im.unsure if that is a way for her to reach out. I would rather she just upfront and text me. I truly want her back. I love her even the BPD parts. Will she come back?

Welcome to BPD Family.  It's sad that this conflict happened... and you're not even married yet.  We have a truism often quoted here:  The past is likely to predict the future.  In other words, regardless of how much you love her, what you've experienced - including the serious legal issues with the police and court already involved - she is likely to repeat that and even worse if the relationship continues... if things don't turn around soon.

Is she in meaningful and serious therapy for her disorder and behaviors?  And not just long-term therapy sessions but also diligent efforts to improve her perceptions, emotions and overall behavior?  A hard lesson we've learned is that hoping and dreaming for the future will likely end in eventual failure.  What really counts is determined effort and hard work, not promises.

A common report is that people with BPD traits (pwBPD) have extremes of negative traits such as Denial, Blaming, Blame Shifting and more.  So they often sabotage themselves by avoiding meaningful therapy.

You're in the middle of a difficult relationship.  You too can benefit with therapy so you have have a balanced view of the issues and behavior patterns.  Best to get started on this before you get married.

We hope your choices and decisions now during this distressing time result in a positive future.