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I've heard of the Waif,  Queen and a couple others but I'm unclear on their differences... .I think my udBPDexgf was a Waif because most of her issues were inward or about how she "couldn't handle" things or how she was the victim of circumstances or people in the past. On the other hand she was also falsely fiercely independent  and would insist that she loves being alone because it allows her to recharge... .sometimes she would have panic attacks and then rage and sometimes it would just be rage. Sometimes it would be cryptic underhanded comments or jokes to put people off. Sometimes she'd be outrageouslying rude or combative  to strangers in public. I'm trying to determine what the different types are to understand it better. Anyone care to explain them ? Thanks !

Waif is usually how lower functioning borderlines present. It is the "victim" paradigm where they act helpless, have things like depression, anxiety, "need" someone to look after them etc. They target the nice guys

Queen is usually higher functioning and more narcissistic. Image obsessed etc, wont show anxiety or depression because it doesnt make them look good. They target what would be the "cool guys"

Siren is also higher functioning with histrionic traits. Millions of selfies, very sexual and attention seeking. They target anyone

They can shift paradigms when required. When mine started running out of supply she shifted from waif to siren.  She went from a depressed cutter with black hair who used to philosophize about life to a bleached blonde bimbo who "just wanted to have fun man" and is trying to get on reality tv.

Wow, mine switches between waif and siren it would seem. Where can I find more on the siren archetype? I've searched it but I'm not coming up with much. Thank you for your descriptions. They were very helpful.

hi Learn and live,

BPD is a spectrum disorder that can manifest in multiple ways. these types are an effort to label and organize some of those ways/behaviors and types. there can be overlap, or some of the behavior may be circumstantial.

learn more about the types and the way the behaviors manifest here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=61982.0

My ex certainly seemed like a waif. She was a paranoid victim plus she blamed everyone for her problems.

Developmentally stunted, they do not have a bona fide personality in the classical sense; they have pathological ego defenses, and they have schema modes. 

The problem here is one of asymmetry; you do not share their points of reference, so any interpretation of their behaviour is largely meaningless. 

People commonly use different defence mechanisms through life; however, in BPD, the use is persistent and maladaptive: manipulate, deny, or distort reality. 

I've read of four different types of BPD, those being

Waif, Queen, Witch, Hermit.

And looking back, I think my ex cycled through each of these, almost literally one after the other.

Waif at the beginning - charming, victim (of almost everyone), quiet, calm, fun to be with, submissive, easy company.

Queen as we started to date, she became more confident, assertive, selfish, sexy, flirty, and still fun to be with, very talkative, some controlling behaviour, devaluing occasionally, definitely trying to get into a strong position in the relationship.

Then after the discard, out came the

Witch she literally looked like a different person, angry, blaming, shaming, angry, very very angry, and some stalking and passive aggressive behaviours to punish me (silent treatment etc... .)

And when I said ok, you go your way I'll go mine, out came the Waif again with attempts at recycling and when that didn't work another persona emerged, which I think is called the

Hermit which involved feeling sorry for herself, dissociating (a very strange thing to behold, I feel so sorry for her when I think of this), sulking, and then finally completely disappearing.

I think it is like Blanchard said,
And now that I'm pretty much out of the FOG and can look back at the relationship with some objectivity, in truth I don't really know who I was dating. I got so caught up in the dramas and crises that in reality I didn't ever know who she was, she could change on a dime, and she admitted to being unpredictable early on. And of course in some ways that is "exciting", but in truth for a relationship, stability, calmness, predictability, kindness and empathy are the qualities I look for now - and that is one of the lessons I have learned.

Manipulate, deny, distort. That's what they do. My very high functioning Xw is defiantly a queen and one I just read in this posting, witch defiantly queen/ witch. Very light int the idealize and heavy on the devalue and since my final discard year 1/2 ago I have been split completely black and within the past few weeks since Xw physically assaulted my sister and nephew in the grocery store she has been worse. That's part of the disorder, they do wrong, we hold them accountable the twist it around back on us. They can't face them selves, in there distorted mind they are perfect, how dare anyone make them accountable. The assault is on store video, the second harassment later on, on the same day was caught on the rink video as well. In Xw very distorted thinking she will sit in court and deny. That's what they do. I brought her abuse many times her response was 1- I don't know what your talking about. 2- do you have written proof of times and dates the abuse took place? If not than it didn't happen.

Wow, I am totally going through this now with my exBPD, we are about to hit the Hermit stage I feel (we run a business together) and I see the sulking about to start.

Bus boy, that sounds horrible. Just wanted to say, you know, stay strong... .

Thank you. That's what we do on here, stay strong and help others stay strong.

this is exactly how my ex was! And in the exact same order before she dumped me! She was all 4! It's crazy

Reading all this scares the crap out of me. We are so lucky to be out of this and away from this psychological torture. Scary and so disturbing now that I know what was going on. Poor broken souls they are.