BPDFamily.com

My swubpd has been struggling with something these last 2 weeks or longer. He hasn't shared what it is nor asked for help or advice. My pattern h :cursing:as been to ask him if he's OK- if there's anyway I can help.From there I'm in the middle of whatever is causing the pain. I don't want to be in that place. I do want him to know I'm here for him as support not the fix.
 I don't have the same dynamic with my younger son who lives with him. He and I can discuss whatever w/o tension or him having big reactions. He doesn't have bpd.
Yesterday  I called my swubpd to let him know my FB was hacked so he wouldn't get upset by what was posted.  His response was " I don't care what was on you FB , I'm dealing with so much right now , I don't want to hear about that"  He was holding it together.  Shortly after he text saying I'm sorry about your FB. I love you. I hope you have a good day.     I decided not to try to explain the reason I called, I text back Thanks I hope your day is good and you can get some rest. (I felt that was not caring but I wasn't sure what else to say)
So believe it or not, my son 'just' called. He said he wanted to say Hi and see how I'm doing. I told him and asked how he was doing. He went from calm to amped up. Saying- I am under so much pressure- I never want to talk about how I'm doing. Don't ask me. I called for a break.... I said OK, I won't ask and I started to tell him things in my life - what I was doing ... other trivia. He was calm and responded, asked questions.... Told me he loved me and to have a good evening.   I guess I got my answer to stay at the  surface
Any thoughts????  BTW, I went on an overnight sisters getaway and I let myself have fun and I beat back worry and fear thoughts.
Also I'm reading a great book by Margalis Fjelstad called Stop Caretaking the Border Line or Narcissist.  How to end the drama.