BPDFamily.com

I am always amazed at how the pwBPD can just cut you off so quickly and thoroughly. From moving her gear in in the early afternoon, six weeks back,  then we went out for dinner with friends and because I defended myself against a two nonsense  accusations that occurred between 5 pm and 9 pm, both in the car  and we had two arguments as I did the JADE thing, ( silly me) mainly at how ridiculous the accusations were, upon arrival back at home, she had packed back up and gone by 11 pm. Back to hers. Where she was moving from.  Said she didn’t feel safe. With me. The guy she has ‘ loved’ for 4.5 years.

This is what to expect with these people. My ex was like that too. Always had to start an argument that usually blew up on the drive home and carried on for hours.

And yes, I JADE a lot. To me, it's a common sense way of arguing...you make a crazy accusation up and I just have to accept it? No way. And somehow they never feel safe around us at some point. I never understood that when she's the one who was physically violent. I never even got in her face when arguing.

Thanks Me. It’s great  to hear others have experienced the same nonsense. It’s like they have to find fault with almost everything. Criticise me and judge over the smallest thing then I’m the bastard because I deny or tell her I don’t want to talk about it as it’s not true …and I know where it’s going …to an ending that is once again going to put me down or force me to agree with her , then chucks a wobbly because I’m once again shutting her down. You can’t ever win an argument with them or point out their illogical accusations. I think I have been accused of almost everything …every adjective that’s for sure. Mine even accused me of driving my beloved wife to suicide ! And then refused to apologise and offered all this rationale as to how and why I did such a thing. Shame on me. For allowing things to continue after that.

The reason to not JADE is basically to save yourself from an impossible endless argument.

You know your BPD partner is talking nonsense and accusing you of the absurd.

You know your truth.

JADE only exhausts you.  Eventually you learn to bite your tongue until you get a chance to walk away.  Any yes, usually happens in the car.  Almost every time.  Focus on the road signs until you are someplace safe and then go for a walk. 

The reason not to isn't about not defending yourself. It's that it's a waste of your time and energy to do it. Also, in a way it validates it. If it's not true, then there isn't anything to defend.

Defense is necessary when it crosses the line to slander, affecting your work or other important aspect of your life. In this case one needs an attorney.

But the ones where you are falsely accused of nonsense- it's a waste of your time. I compare these arguments to peeing in the wind. It all comes back at you. They project it or dissociate.

An exercise that helped me to resist JADE is to substitute something absurd for the accusation, like calling you a pink elephant. If someone thinks you are a pink elephant, it's so far out there, it's beyond the need to defend it.