BPDFamily.com

Hello, this is my first post here and please have in mind that English is not my native language.
My daughter is 18, and we have been facing challenges since she was 12. She was selfharming, suicidal, and with time she lost motivation for many of her talents, activities and studying. We had so many horrible fights, the boundaries were always problem for her. I divorced when she was 4, and since then living aline with her. The father has no parenting capacities, and most of the time he was not of help.
Our fights or conflicts usually starts with something that I say, some request or a question, and beleive me or not I dont wven remember most of them. It just errupts. Then she used to be exhausted and depressed for days, then standing up, saying Im sorry, and then all over again. I had a feeling that she took me for granted, usually with no empathy for my being, needs or wishes. It was always about hers. With years I became more and more tired and exhausted, feeling lonely because outside she was behaving totally diffeerent. For so many times I felt like a prisoner in my own house, crying for nights in my bed. Feeling guilty, gasslighted, crazy.
It culminated just when she turned 18.
And yes, she never got a formal diagnose even though her psychiatrist told me it is BPD. I took her to so many paichologist, psychiatrists, looking for help, she was hospitalized twice.
A month ago we had a new conflict even though I had an impression things were getting better last year.
The latest conflict made me feel terrible, or I just couldnt stand it any more. I called a police just to stop it, it was too nuch for me. Was it the worst situarion so far, no. But for me it was a breakdown.
Police came and went, nothing happened.
But she cant foegive me this. She is accusing me for all the bad things in her life, she told me terrible things about me, being a mother, about how I traumatised her so deeply so our rwlationship is totally ruined and she wants to move out.
What I didnt say is that we, beside all, had an amazing relationship in between, fool of love and trust.
I am trying not to take things personally but sometimes it is so hard and it lasts so long. Now, we cant even talk, she missinterprets everything I say, she demands, requests things from me that I cant accept. My heart is broken, and bleading. Im praying and praying because I cant reach her out anymore.
She takes medications for two and a half years, skipping and changing therapists, blaming me for everything, not willing to take reponsibility for her behavior and cindition.
Thank you all for being here. Your stories make me feel less crazy.