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Title: Granddaughter's mother denying sexual abuse by boyfriend Post by: Flb1 on February 18, 2017, 03:53:08 PM My son (an ER physician) is a single parent of my beautiful 4 yr old granddaughter whose mother has BPD. From the onset of their relationship his partner exhibited signs with their relationship have tremendous ups and downs, with him being verbally ,physically abused. They never married and he has tried co-parenting without success. Currently in legal process because his daughter told him that her mommies boyfriend "touched her body and it hurt her all day" He took her to the ER and subsequently an investigation was initiated. Her mother has stated that my granddaughter has essentially made this up and is in process of trying to convince the court that my son has put her up to this so that he does not have to pay child support and get custody of his daughter. She has been trying to discredit her daughter and her father. As you can imagine it has been devastating ordeal for all involved. Our concern has been for our granddaughter whose outcry is not being heard or being appropriately addressed.
Prior to all of this I had arranged for evaluation by a psychologist who advised me that with her personality disorder it would be a struggle. It is turning into a nightmare. Appreciate any help, info etc. Thank you for listening Title: Re: Need information and help on dealing with a mother who has BPD Post by: Turkish on February 18, 2017, 11:52:32 PM Hi Flb1,
This is devastating and painful, and I'm glad you are there for your son and GD. Coming up on 3 years ago, I reported my "ex law," the 17 yo brother 9f my uBPDx (undiagnosed BPD ex). It resulted in a whole massive drama, especially given that her family previously liked me. Almost 3 years later, we're still dealing with the fallout . Our D was 2 the first time she told me, them just 3 the second time, the second time I called my right away to make sense of it, the following day, calling the cops. What I got from multiple professionals, and even from a CASA here on the board (court ordered special advocate) was that little kids don't make this stuff up. They have no context. This isn't a typical little kid lie:"so and so ate the cookies, not me. " Even if this turns out to be nothing (though it doesn't sound like it), please pass on from one dad to another: he did the right thing by reporting. I was told this by, like everyone. All of the professionals as well as the "civilians" in my own life. It was a bit scary for me at first since the cops implied I was at fault for not reporting the first time. Keep posting. I've been through something like this, and I'd like to help anyway that I can. T Title: Re: Need information and help on dealing with a mother who has BPD Post by: Flb1 on February 19, 2017, 06:25:18 AM Turkish
Thank you for your reply. I see how this is turning into a huge drama, my son's ex thrives on wanting to control and discredit everyone. It doesn't help that the legal process results in delay after delay. All my son wanted was temporary custody while his daughter is evaluated for safety and as a result, his ex and her council have made up lies to paint a picture of deception. As we see this drama unfolding ,it raises the issue of how my son can deal with the fact that his ex is not concerned about finding out what happened but protecting her boyfriend. First an foremost is getting my granddaughter seen , evaluated by a specialist. Thereafter my son can address whether or not to proceed with legal action for custody. Trying to see if anyone has been in similar situation and what has occurred in terms of mother remaining and how to help the child deal with the drama and fallout in future. My hope is that the evaluation will lead to therapy for my granddaughter to help her not only with the incident which occurred but with also in dealing with her mother. Flb1 Title: Re: Need information and help on dealing with a mother who has BPD Post by: Turkish on February 19, 2017, 10:50:22 PM What's the custody arrangement, and is it filed in court? Does he have joint legal and physical custody?
On the surface, this looks bad for the mother, in denial. If he took her to ER, they reported it and CPS is probably involved. The damage done by deniers we can deal with later (I also have experience here with ex-law deniers, primarily grandma on that side), but my concern is keeping that little girl physically safe. With such an accusation and investigation, she most likely is for now. |