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Title: Arguments I try to Avoid Post by: AT1 on February 19, 2017, 12:25:33 AM I am trying to find ways to avoid argument. It is very difficult when you walk away and the person you are trying to stop the confrontation with follows you, opens doors to rooms that you have purposely gone to, to avoid them. I really am trying, really am. But I need some peace, and i can't find a simple way to get it. If I leave the house she says I am abandoning her and from what I read this is one of the big problems with those who have BPD. I would love some additional advice!
AT1 Title: Re: Arguments I try to Avoid Post by: gotbushels on February 19, 2017, 02:15:15 AM Hi AT1
It seems like you're looking for a time out. I think you can recognise that staying in a conversation with the partner may not be working out for you. Here's a discussion you may find helpful: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=84942.msg842177#msg842177 Personally, this is a very helpful and solid discussion. Here's a taste of what you can find: Now that I'm away, how do I deal with this feeling that I didn't do the right thing? Well, that feeling comes from breaking a conditioned response. You aren’t following their lead or allowing them to control you. Yes, there is uncertainty around this. Yes, they may become even angrier at you. That doesn’t change the it is a very important step towards taking care of YOUR needs for once. This is a crisp description of what I felt when I was working at this. I wish I had read this when I first tried time outs. It's strange because I've been teaching myself to walk a path through the eggshells without breaking them--how is it this path involves breaking eggshells, but is actually the most effective path? You'll get answers here. This is a very interesting type of response by the non, so I'm interested in hearing how things work for you and others here. |