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Title: Update after 5 Months of no contact Post by: Infern0 on February 20, 2017, 04:51:42 AM He guys, so it has been 5 months which is by FAR the most time of NC i've ever had (probably double the previous longest)
And I am at this stage 99% recovered I was probably one of the worst people on this forum in terms of coping, so if I can do it, you can do it too. No Contact is really the catylist to your recovery, because sadly, you won't be able to get any better when you are still in contact with them because you will be ambiently gaslit, which prevents clear thought. Once you have strict NC and i mean, no checking up on them, no talking about them, doing and thinking about other things, that's when you will begin to recover. Avoid anger, avoid hate, avoid blame. These things will keep you stuck, and they are really just coping mechanisms which distract you from the truth. You must look at YOURSELF. Do not claim false innocence in this situation, look for why you got yourself into this situation and what you need to fix, because healthy, grounded, boundried people don't get or stay in these situations. The people with BPD are sick, they have a terrible illness, it is sad but you can't help. They are survivors and will get by but you can't help them and they don't want you to try. The best thing you can do is have a normal life and not be another wreck in their rear view mirror, i heard that my ex said she is glad that I "survived her". There may be people who can help them, but those people will be people with strong boundaries who don't want or need anything from them, so they can survive them a lot better and just be a mentor of friend without being exploited. That's not us on this site. We need to fix our own issues and sort our own lives out, after 5 months i'm still moving in this direction but it's a long way forward. I miss the fun times with my ex but i'm not about to go back, I know we sadly are not compatible at all, I hope she gets some help, it would be nice. Onwards and upwards, we will all make it! Title: Re: Update after 5 Months of no contact Post by: marti644 on February 20, 2017, 06:37:04 AM Infern0,
Thank you for sharing. I am only just of one month NC and am starting to have the initial constructive feelings that you shared now. I hope I am lucky enough to deal with my own stuff to describe my situation in the same way in a few more months. I so long for that normal life, or as normal as is possible. Title: Re: Update after 5 Months of no contact Post by: blueblue12 on February 20, 2017, 07:32:38 AM Hey infern0,
Great post! Happy for you. I am coming up to my 8th week, but I am far from where you are at. I still think about my ex lots and I do miss her enormously, but after she left me and then pleaded not to say goodbye I went NC as I did not want to keep hanging in there as a friend... .I hope I get to reach your stage, it's hard, but there is hope... .inspiring! Title: Re: Update after 5 Months of no contact Post by: kc sunshine on February 21, 2017, 11:51:56 AM Hey Infern0,
Great to read your updates-- thank you so much for coming back and sharing them. And that is so good that you are doing so much better, that you survived. That one story of your ex's ex that committed suicide was haunting to me. I haven't seen my ex since August but every once in a while she texts or calls-- that's been enough to keep her in my thoughts (and hopes) too much still. Your strict NC advice is good. What do you do when you get the urge to talk to her, or when thoughts like "I'm doing much better now, I'm pretty detached, maybe we can be friends" come up? Or maybe those thoughts don't come up anymore for you... . What's your 1%? |