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I lost my son 8 1/2 yrs ago to a drug overdose. 2 yrs later my mother who was very controlling died @ my "mommy" issues were never resolved.

     I met my boyfriend in a spiritual book store. I really wanted the drum he was looking at but put back. I started a conversation about the drum. I then found out that he was a Shaman I have had a spiritual teacher previously a woman & thought a man would be a balance between yin @ yang. I gave him my phone # and he called within a week. He seduced me and I let him after 3 sessions.
     I am also married. My relationship with my husband was dying after my son died. He was unavailable to my son emotionally. My son was 20. He was never told by my husband that he was loved. In his defense he was a doer & helped considerably with my sons care. However 2 months before my sons death my son pointed at my husband and said "he doesn't like me" My husband said NOTHING. I said "of course he not only likes you he loves you." My husband said NOTHING. That was Alot of my feelings diedfor my husband.We just forgot to have a funeral.
     I was ripe for this situation. I should have known better. I am a counselor in private practice and know a borderline when I experience one. I should have ran but he sucked me in. It felt like love. All the attention I was lacking from a marriage that was all action but no talk. I jumped into a relationship that was the opposite. All talk & no action. I now realize my husband & him are the opposite sides of the same coin.
     I should have left when he seduced my friend of 17 yrs. it had been only 4 months when he had a "healing" for my friend. He then gave her about 4 "massages". She eventually confessed to the seduction. I left her instead of him. No I don't believe it either. He is soo seductive. Unfortunately he is the best in bed ever. This man is truly gifted. This is seductive and unfortunate for me who was never sexually satisfied by my husband.
     Fast forward to 4 1/2 years later. I am now 12,000 in debt as he rarely helped me with the trips we took. The meals we ate. Or the things we bought. Now I also have an HPV virus from his exploits.  A gift from him.
     He meets the criteria of "12 traights of an abuser." 11 out of 12. He never physically abused me. He went through 4 phones worth of woman. I sat that because when I would catch him on various dating cites he would smash his phones.  Each time he professed his love & would return to this behavior. I'd forgive him. He said they met nothing to him he was just bored. He never had any intentions of meeting them. I think he never stopped. I caught him 3 days ago again on match & spiritual connections. What is strengthening my resolve to try to stay away is that he would monitor my phone calls my texts. He would accuse me of being interested in my clients  He was even jealous of my cousin who is a lesbian. He would insinuate I was one also. He would yell in the background calling her names. He would be jealous of my friends also. He would watch me leave in my car @ if I took too long to leave he would accuse me of talking to other men in the building.
     He is also very dependent because he has no credit therefore no car. I bring him to the ER always due to his COPD & chronic asthma. He has back problems to. He changes Drs like people change THIER clothes. He changes things also computers, tvs, phones, etc while I am along for this crazy ride. Except I drive the car. Prius to be exact. At least it gets good mileage.

Hi Wildpony,

*welcome*

I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily, I'm sorry to hear about your son . I completely understand how we can find ourselves in situations that are toxic because our guard is down because of life events, it happens to many of us. This platform is place for everyone to share their thoughts and feelings without being invalidate, it's a safe place.

I'm glad that you have found us, many of our members can relate with you and offer you guidance and support, you're not alone. Do you live with your boyfriend? Are you still married?

*welcome*

I would like to join Mutt in welcoming you to the family as well as offering condolences for your loss.  That must be a hard thing to experience.

I can assure you that you have found a safe and understanding place.  It is so refreshing for me to post about things in my life and have others "get" it.  Most importantly, other members can help point me to healthier responses.

What are you doing for self care?  Has your self care routine changed in the past couple years?

   

FF