BPDFamily.com

That's what I was told when I text my bipolar/ BPD friend yesterday to say I didn't think it was a good idea to be friends any longer.  
 
This was after nearly a month of constant texting/phone calls off him which were mainly insults about my weight, which he though were funny, accompanied by links to pictures of fat women on google saying ‘is this you at the gym’, ‘is this you trying to get out of the car’ etc.  When I didn't agree to meet up with him and engage in a sexual proposition he made (text me rude things he wanted to do to me) and told him we would never be anything more than friends, he said he didn't want a relationship with me and would find someone soon and wanted to get all his sexual deviances out of the way whilst single!  Not too impressed with that I went a bit distant and he tried everything to get me to re-engage.  I then get a message of him saying best just to stay friends and no sex and then promptly fell off the planet for 2 weeks.  I texted twice asking if everything was ok, he assured me it was, then went back to silence.  I gave him 2 weeks to contact me off his own back, as I am sick to death of this game, and that was up yesterday so I text him that it wasn't a good idea for us to be friends and that's when I got the reply 'grow up, you're drunk, I can't talk now'.  I responded with that I wasn't drunk, it was for the best, no hard feelings but I'd had enough.  He replied with 'ok, no worries, take care'.  Totally how I expected him to respond, cold and detached, despite him calling himself my good friend and telling me I had a heart of gold less than a month ago.
 
He is well aware of my abandonment issues and I've had enough of being picked up and dropped like a toy.  His inappropriate humour about my weight, which he thinks is hilarious, makes me feel bad about myself.  I don't even think he cares if I am in his life or not; I certainly don't feel valued by him.  Part of me was hoping he would prove me wrong by texting me an apology during the night when I’m asleep like he does sometimes, or even today whilst I’m at work… but of course he hasn’t.  

So here we go again.  :)ay 1 of NC.
 

Hi izzybusy,

I'm sorry that you had to go through that experience. I think that you made a good choice with choosing self protection because he'll continue with his abuse and drama, BPD is a serious life long mental illness. Don't try to reason with him or defend yourself, remain vigilant with your boundaries, the texts and calls will eventually die off, any type of attention will prolong it and will slow down your recovery.

Thanks Mutt

Just wonder where the grow up; you're drunk remark came from really; just a bizarre thing for someone to respond with when being told that we shouldn't be friends anymore.  I'm guessing he has somebody else to keep his attention at the moment so I was put on the backburner as usual.  I know we are just friends but I'd never treat a friend they way he treats me; his supposedly good friend.  :)efinitely time for boundaries.

It's an invalidating statement, it's blame shifting, a pwBPD blame the world for their problems. I think that you're absolutely right that he wants to keep you on the backburner, how I read is that, being busy means that he's occupied with somebody else.

Different friends have different strengths, some may know how to have fun responsibility, you have fun with them, some may be good to go kayaking with, some may good to confide and some are not very open, but in the context of keeping you around for need, it's a one way r/s, it's not reciprocal, you want to find people that give as much as you in the r/s.