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Title: My BPD daughter is highly reactive Post by: Piper1234 on February 23, 2017, 08:55:47 PM My 19 year old daughter has even suffering with cutting since 8th grade and got very depressed and extreme anxiety her senior year of HS. Later diagnosed with BPD. I am happy to continue to do everything I can to find her help but I have come to the point the her angry , irrational outburst are so mean and hurtful that I am haveing a hard time getting past them. How do you get past the pain inflicted by the hateful words? The older she gets the uglier it gets. I understand if you can wait it out it all goes back to normal like nothing has ever happened for her but I still feel it, really feel it.
Title: Re: My BPD daughter is highly reactive Post by: Naughty Nibbler on February 24, 2017, 12:50:37 AM *hi*
Welcome Piper1234: I'm so sorry for what you are dealing with. It must be hard to have someone you love be so hurtful. It's important for you to take time to care for yourself and manage your stress. Do you have some favorite things to do to relax? Some information from the quote below might be helpful for you: Quote from: How to Set Healthy Boundaries: 3 Crucial First Steps - by Britt Bolnick 1. Check your personal engine light. Think about how you feel when you’re around someone who drains you and upsets you, someone with whom you feel you lose yourself. How does this feel in your body? How does it feel in your mind? How does the presence of this person affect you? Now look at this list of feelings and sensations you’ve made, and imagine that your body is like a car, with a dashboard full of warning lights. You’ve just identified what I like to call the “check engine light” for your personal boundary system. It’s a security system warning that your personal energy field has been breached, and you’re letting in stuff that isn’t yours. This is really important. When our boundaries are weak, unguarded, or unclear, we let in all sorts of stuff that isn’t actually our stuff, and we give away our own personal energy unconsciously. That means you’re dealing with a breach of your energetic security system and a leak of your own personal energy. You’re looking at warning signs indicating that some work needs to be done, some boundaries need to be shored up, and you need to return to center. 2. Ground yourself as preparation for maintaining boundaries. Grounding is akin to the way a tree sinks her roots to stay secure in a storm. It’s the first tool in creating healthy boundaries—nurturing a connection with ourselves, our centers. Our root system is both our anchor and our boundary system. It keeps us from being blown about in other people’s winds. It gives us a way to focus and still ourselves to connect with our heart and our intuition. That’s what keeps us steady and connected and focused. There are as many ways to ground as there are people. I like to take five minutes to actually imagine my root system connecting me into the earth, like a giant oak tree. Here are some other ideas: Meditation; breathing exercises; saying a prayer, affirmation, or mantra in the shower in the morning; mindfulness; chanting or repeating affirmations in your head as you walk. Try different ways—you’ll find the one that works for you! 3. Notice the people and places that tend to drain you. Before entering those places or exposing yourself to those people, take a few minutes to imagine breathing a bubble of protective energy around you. Think of it as a space that will only allow love and positivity inside it, deflecting anything else. Really see it and really feel the force of it around you. Then recognize what you need to do to maintain that space. These three steps will help you create and maintain healthy boundaries. Building boundaries is like any muscle or practice—the more you work with it, the better it serves you! Here is the link for the above article: www.tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-set-healthy-boundaries-3-crucial-first-steps/ Title: Re: My BPD daughter is highly reactive Post by: Lollypop on February 24, 2017, 01:30:03 AM Hi there piper
I just wanted to touch base with you and say hello. I'm sorry about what has brought you here but very glad to meet you. Dealing with somebody with BPD can be emotionally draining and Naughty Nibblers post is spot on. I'll be taking something away from this post. My BPDs26 was diagnosed at 24 and so we had many years of turmoil. The diagnosis was a a relief for all of us but still a massive thing for my BPDs to process. It's taken him a long time to accept that he needs help to cope with life's normal challenges. I encourage you to read as much as you can about BPD and a good place to start is the right hand bars in this page. The more I read the more I understood. The consequence of this was that I found I didn't react to my BPDs moods or behaviours in the same way. This helped us both so very much. I've improved my communication skills and listen rather than speak; when I do speak I try to make it short and clear. I use validation all of the time. Basically, I changed my approach. My relationship with my bods26 has improved vastly because of it, despite the problems. There is a way! I discovered I have an orchid that, with the right conditions,, does respond positively. Do you have any other children at home? L Title: Re: My BPD daughter is highly reactive Post by: Piper1234 on February 24, 2017, 02:27:34 PM Thank you for your words of wisdom. I do have other children but they are older and have moved out. They don't like to come home bc of the drama that alway unveils. My husband is scared to upset my BPD d so he gives in o her every whim. I have tried to make him understand her condition but he prefers to bury his head in the sand. So I am alone dealing with this. I am needed desperately and hated venomously at the same time. There are times I feel I may crack. But I am trying and with this support I have hope.
Title: Re: My BPD daughter is highly reactive Post by: Lollypop on February 24, 2017, 04:29:32 PM Hi piper
Keep on reading and posting. We're all here to support one another and this is a safe place to vent and learn from others. L Title: Re: My BPD daughter is highly reactive Post by: 7babies on February 24, 2017, 08:24:59 PM I hear what you are saying. My daughter sucks all of us into her rage. It happened again tonight and now that she stopped her mood stabilizer she is even more volatile. She us smart enough to have read the communication techniques and call you on using it. I hope you can find answers and hope.
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