BPDFamily.com

Hello everyone,

This is my first post so I'm a wee bit apprehensive but here goes... .I'm 46 years old and I've recently realised that my mum more than likely has Borderline Personality Disorder. I'm not in touch with her anymore because I just couldn't cope with her rages and her constantly blaming me for her problems. I'm feeling pretty down and depressed at the moment and I went to a counselor but she was less than sympathetic. I'd really love to know if anyone has any advice about how they coped and also how they found a counselor who understood their predicament. My counselor basically just told me I needed to grow up and move on with my life. My main question really is... .who here has had a similar experience, how has it affected you and how have you overcome it? I have real confidence issues which have affected my ability to make friends, my ability to trust my partner and my ability to be satisfied in my work life. I'd love to hear from people who have come to terms with their parent's BPD diagnosis and managed to move on.

Thanks

Samc

Welcome Samc! 

Thank you so much for taking that first brave step to post!  |iiii You did a fine job, and I'm so glad you've come to join our online family. There is a ton of information for you to pour through. A great place for you to start is the list to the right ------------>> >> Each sentence you click on opens up to a larger description.

My mom was an uBPD too. I can understand the need you had to not have contact anymore. It is okay and you don't need to feel any guilt over that decision. There are many other members here who have also gone that same route. I was very low contact with my mom until her death. That worked best for me, and each decision is based on what the indiviual needs. 


Not all T (therapists) are aware of BPD, and it isn't always a good match with the first T you choose. Sometimes you may have to do some shopping to find a good match, but be sure that they understand BPD. I know other members have gone another time or two with a new T in order to see if they'll be able to make it work, but some switch immediately. Do you live in the States or overseas? I know in the States there are links to help find counselors in your area.


You are among family here, a safe place, and we all have stories similar to yours. You are an adult child survivor of a parent with BPD, and there are most definitely issues we are all working through as we journey to heal from the wounds that affect our ability to live full lives.  Have you ever read the book  Surviving a Borderline Parent by Kimberlee Roth? It has been a most helpful book for me, and is one of my favorites. There are a lot of helpful exercises in it as well. Sometimes I've used it in session time with my T. What you've expressed as concerns have been things that have affected me too. With time and work it gets better. You are not alone.

Take this journey one step at a time, but you've taken the most important step... .the first one.

 
Wools

Hi Wools,

Thanks for the reply. Yes, it's nice to know I'm part of a family and thanks for being so welcoming. It's funny, I don't really feel guilt any more about not having a relationship with Mum. It's what I've had to do to save myself. But I do feel like I'm in mourning for the childhood and parts of my adulthood that I lost. I also realise that I've had a few dreams and goals that were perhaps not that deeply rooted in reality and I'm struggling to accept that. I am reading Kimberley's book about Surviving Borderline Parents and it is helping. I'll also have a look at the links you suggested.

Sam