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... because I still think I'm doing what Jesus Christ wants me to do... .and that is to stay put until she leaves.

I just told her point blank that like Jesus telling Judas "whatever you have to do, do it quickly!"

... and she is planning on leaving me when she returns from Korea!

I am wondering why do I have to stay and wait for her?

She came to me just before wanting to talk to me about the car she says.  Least I know that she just wants to say that it is unfair for her to pay me the gap for the car.

Then gave me an excuse that she can't pay because she just put money in a term deposit and so she can't pay me.  I so kindly agreed for her to pay later when she returns from her Korea trip.

Then she sprung on me to wait for her on her return that if she sells her house in Korea, she'll move out!

This was when I was outraged with her intentions for USING me to her advantage!

and she doesn't even see that she has taken ANY advantage of me but STILL feels that she is treated unfairly.

I reminded her that the car I bought for her was because she wanted or rather should I say demanded from me in the first place!  AND she was  the one with her own mouth said that she was going to pay me the gap when I sell my manual car.  Now after 1 year when I finally did sell my manual car she tells me that the conditions have changed!  Well, it was HER that changed the conditions herself by now demanding that she wants a house!  AND either she gets it or she'll leave!  


I'm such a FOOL!  For keeping my principles to stay even though she is making such threats , taking such advantage of me without any conscience at all and rather blaming me for it and telling me that I'm being unfair to her!

My word to her since last December still stands. I reminded her what I wrote last December and I repeat it here:

However, this is my solemn warning to you:

As  1Cor 7:15 reads, "But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace."

If you choose to abandon me, I cannot stop you from doing so.  BUT remember that this verse will take effect as soon as you walk off.  

Make your very choice carefully.

In fact, you have already made you choice 5 years ago in our marriage vows "... Till DEATH do us part".  The vow you made before God but for the last 5 years you've been bringing up the word divorce and separate.

This is my solemn warning to you that as soon as you do, remember there is no turning back.
You will never ever see me ever again.  You can consider me dead... no email contact... no phone... no mail not whatever under ANY circumstances. All associations with me will cease to exist.

... but the grace I am showing you now in love as God would have me do is to offer you this question:

":)o you still want to work on this marriage?"

it will be done when she leaves!

Note the last statement, I'm still holding on to that and she STILL calls me a LIAR!
... and tell me NOT to mention the name of Jesus.

AM I fooling myself?  This is EXACTLY what is described with people with BPD / Narcissist behaviour.  I must not give in to any of her demands or her manipulations.

I just wonder AM I being STUPID to still wait for her to return from Korea?  AND more so STUPID to agree for the delay of her payment!

Please tell me SOMEONE AM I A FOOL?

Hi breakfreerut

It's not our place to judge - first we ought to remove the log from our own eye... .

It's clear you are in a lot of distress.

Why do you feel concerned about being taken for a fool?

because I want to count my actions and decisions as WISE.
So do you have any counsel?

I don't care if you judge me, all I need are answers to move forward.  A course of action to set me in the right direction.

What are the possible course(s) of action that you see as probable right now?

Perhaps you could outline them and we could explore them

Hi breakfreerut,

Welcome to the board ,

I am also a Christian I am frequently conflicted with my faith and trying to navigate my H behavior. For many years I thought it was my duty to remain silent about his behavior towards me. I have learned several things about his sovereignty in my life:

Regardless of what is going on in my relationship, Jesus must be first. That means I have to work out my own salvation with fear and trembling. I spend A LOT of time in prayer for myself and for my H. This also means that I must practice forgiveness towards him, after all, if I do not forgive others than God will not forgive me. Somedays I work on choosing to forgive my H minute to minute, hour to hour, etc. And when I find that I am getting bitter towards him, I know that I need to spend time before GOd asking him to search my heart and renew my spirit.

I'm not sure if my H is a Christian. He says he is, but I do not see fruit in his life. With that being said, I cannot expect my H to behave like a Christian or apply scripture to his life like I do. When I try to correct him using scripture, it causes him to pull further away from God. He is stuck in a lifestyle of sin in regards to pride and how he treats me. Like any other lost person, I pray that God will remove the scales from his eyes, heal the areas of his heart that cause him to behave inappropriately. I pray that God will work on building him in the man that HE wants my H to be. When things are really bad, I frequently have to get my hands out of trying to fix things and just hand him over to God to do the work. My prayer for my H is this: I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. (Ezekiel 36:26)

God does not want anyone to be abused. He has laid out boundaries and ways that spouses are supposed to treat each other. Divorce and separation are not out of the question in certain situations. As you said, if a spouse is an unbeliever and leaves, then you are free. But the Bible also says (at least for wives), that if her spouse is an unbeliever, she can win him over for Christ by her Christlike behavior. I also believe that it would be appropriate to separate but not divorce in order to get someone to change their behavior. This separation would entail both people getting counseling and working on growth for themselves while separated then coming back together when there are signs of true repentance and change. A great Christian book is Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud. It has changed the way I approach my husband.

You must have Godly men around you to help with accountability and direction. Not everyone needs to know your business, but getting in to a small group where you can just be around other men, learning to lead your family and share in troubles together is essential. Find one or two wise men to help you when things are really bad. Share with your pastor what is going on in your relationship. Ask for prayer when you need prayer. You can't do life alone. You need people to walk with you and to help carry the load when the load gets too heavy.

Pray the scripture over your life and the life of your wife. Declare your victory over sin and pray prayers of hope, of redemption, of salvation, and of sanctification. Remember, Satan is defeated and we do not wrestle with flesh and blood but with other forces that have nothing to do with people. Find some scriptures that really speak to you in your situation.

Don't beat yourself up. Calling yourself a fool is declaring a judgment on yourself. If you believe you are following Christ in your decision to stay, then accept that as what you are doing and if it's what God is calling you to, then it's not foolish. It may look foolish to the world, but God will ultimately make the world look foolish.

Ultimately God is in control. Whether I receive relief in this life or the next, it does not matter. I have to keep myself focused on the kingdom of God in my house and in my life. I may suffer today, but one day I will receive the glorious reward where there will be no more tears, no more hurts, no more anger, or sin.

Brother leave her in our father's hands ... .read the info  here
Relax and think in a real Christ like way ... .learn to forgive her
Learn to forgive your self... .but counter attacking will get you no where... .in your words I see you love her with all your heart and want to fix it... .I am learning slowly to unlearn my own blinders to my beloved needs from me... .your a good person... .keep your cool... .come here study the lessons and tools... .especially the ending conflict one... .you'll slowly see a change in both of you... .be patient like our father... .deal with the pain in your heart... .leave her with God... .and when you meet ... .use some of the ideas here... .listen to her in the now
Leave the past hurts behind brother... .last point your not a fool
But you need to silently forgive her in your heart... .end the battle

1) Stonewall
2) walkout
3) plan a secret runaway
4) stay put and let her continue to torture me
5) wait for her to move out
6) avoid her as much as possible
7) fill my time with other activities
8) see myself in hospital

any other ideas?