BPDFamily.com

We've filed papers for separation, the kids know, and he is taking his sweet time about finding a place to go.  In fact, he now has such a list of must-haves for his new place that I don't think he'll ever find such a thing.  And the $ his mother sent he is using to buy a different car.  His sense of entitlement sends me reeling sometimes.

Is there a point at which he will have to leave, legally?  My lawyer was a little fuzzy on this topic.  I this up to us to decide?  He will take advantage as long as he can, and meanwhile it is just getting more awkward at home.  Kids are asking me when he will leave, I'm wanting to push but not wanting more fights.

Any insight would be much appreciated.

Nicke

Specific responses would probably depend upon your state and local court procedures and policies.  That's why we not only recommend you get legal consultations from local lawyers, but also to you don't just pick any lawyer.  Since most divorces do end up settling, yes sometimes even our high conflict ones, courts and lawyer seem to expect settlements.  So not all lawyers are experienced with high conflict, obstructive or 'delay every way possible' cases.

What impression do you have of your lawyer?  Do you have a lawyer you trust to have good strategies and expertise in court, not just for filing forms and hand holding, but also willingness and experience to excel in hearings and trials?

This is not to say your lawyer isn't good.  Mine estimated a divorce with children (I had a preschooler) at 7-9 months.  It took 3 times as long.  He even whispered to me ":)on't worry, stay quiet and we'll fix the problems later."  News flash... .Despite repeated problems with the temp order it was never changed until the settlement in the final decree became effective 2 years later.  Yet, I did walk out with the outcome my custody evaluator recommended.  The CE's initial report had noted, "Mother cannot share 'her' child but father can."  So though I was frustrated with my lawyer sometimes for not doing everything I asked, he seemed the laid back sort, but he did charge little less than others (":)o you want a $5K divorce or a $30K divorce?" and reminded me to focus on the important things.

By and large you can't control what your spouse does or doesn't do.  Ponder how to use the carrot or stick approach to your benefit, even if it has limited effect.  So what you need to do is determine is what incentives & consequences you can impose upon him to comply.  For example, if he delays overmuch while you're in negotiations, go ahead and schedule hearings for the next step.  He will try to delay, maybe ask you to suspend the court date to give him time to do whatever.  That's where you say or your lawyer says, in effect, "No, the court date stays, if you have an offer or counter offer, I'll consider it but I'm not halting the court process.  Yes, he or his lawyer can always file for a Continuance but after a couple of those most judges get peeved and are less unwilling to deny baseless delays.  (I recall one time my ex's lawyer filed for yet another continuance claiming Ex had stomach pains and had to see a doctor.  Even before my lawyer could object the magistrate denied it saying only the lawyers needed to appear.  Clearly the magistrate detected delay was the purpose of the continuance motion.)