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I am currently seeing a therapist (LICSW) by myself to help hold me accountable in regards to changing my habits with my uBPDw.  I have seen him three times now and my gut is telling me to fire him.  :)uring the first session, we seemed to have good chemistry and it seemed like he was going to be very proactive in helping me.  He gave me some good advice in regards to setting boundaries which I have implemented with decent results.  :)uring the second session, his energy was lower and there were many awkward silences where I was expecting a response but had to keep talking because he wouldn't.  The third session was very unsettling as the awkward silences returned and half the time it looked like he was going to fall asleep.  :)uring all three sessions, he sat behind his computer taking notes (is he hiding something?) and his body language was mostly closed i.e. legs/arms crossed, hand in front of face.  I do 90% of the talking and although his advice is good, I feel like its no better than the advice on these boards.  I'm a very high energy guy and I can't get motivated when the guy who should be motivating me is half asleep.  On the flip side, my co-pay is only $20 and it is just an hour of my time per week, plus implementing his advice is working.  My wife hasn't raged in a few weeks and she has been much more affectionate to both me and my children.  What do you guys think?

Tell him that you really want more feedback and prod him at those silence gaps - ask him what he noted in the computer and what it means.

Many therapists need specific feedback to know what you want.

Back when I was  seeing a therapist, I told him I expected him to respond about 33% of the time and I specifically would ask for input and psychology explanations and tools.

I told him during our initial phone screening that my last two therapists were very passive and I needed someone to give me a roadmap to follow and to hold me accountable to following that roadmap.

He told me during our second session that he thinks I should get a divorce and that I should start researching the process.  After doing the initial research, I told him during our last session that I am not ready to do any due diligence (i.e. keeping a journal on her behavior, a journal on my habits with the kids, pay for and talk to lawyers etc.) at this point in time.  It seemed like after I made that statement his body language was saying "there is no hope and you are wasting my time."

I'll probably give him one more shot and give him the feedback you recommend.  It is just frustrating because having a positive attitude, moderately high energy, open body language and steady dialogue in my opinion should be the absolute minimum prerequisites for being a therapist.

I agree.

This is very concerning as a good therpist will not TELL you what to do but instead lead you to the answer that is right for yourself. If you are spending money on therapy, it would be important for me to make sure I am actually getting something out of it. You have to be able to trust your therapist and if you can't, you won't be able to heal.

I wonder what would happen if you didn't talk to fill in the awkward silences. Do you think he would just keep typing away? Personally, I would be curious to try it and see what happens.

Update:  I unofficially fired him.  Last week I told him via text I couldn't make his only available time slot and now almost a week later he has not gotten back to me.  What a disappointment.  This is the third therapist I have been to and they all have been very low energy and passive almost to the point where they seemed apathetic, especially this last one.  I think the last one's lack of follow up proves that he just doesn't care, and that is very troubling to say he is in the business of helping people overcome life's toughest battles.  I think I'm going to stick with exercise, venting to family/friends and this forum as therapy outlets going forward.