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Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship => Topic started by: roberto516 on March 01, 2017, 02:27:41 PM



Title: Sorry but I have to vent
Post by: roberto516 on March 01, 2017, 02:27:41 PM
So I am trying to put myself on the right path. Only been 2 months and NC has been damn near impossible. I keep reaching out and hoping. Applied to a job at a private therapy practice right near my job. Thinking I can do it part time a few times a week after work and weekends. Then they call me and I find out they moved locations... .less than a mile from where she lives.

I don't know if this is life giving me a good kick in the ass or what, but it's almost like I am taking one step forward and 2 back. There's no route I can take that won't go by her place. And it absolutely sucks. Just wanted to vent. It's like I can't escape her if I try.


Title: Re: Sorry but I have to vent
Post by: Keef on March 01, 2017, 03:52:14 PM
roberto516,



Sorry to hear it's tough right now.

I keep reaching out and hoping.
Are you finding it hard to stay in no contact? What kind of response do you get (if any) from her?

I don't know if this is life giving me a good kick in the ass or what
I would, for your own peace of mind, advice you to not think in such terms. Maybe this isn't what you actually think. But, I'd however be careful with this approach, since it can be counterproductive and a hindrance to your empowerment.

it's almost like I am taking one step forward and 2 back.
I know how that feels. You're only two months out. And although it feels like one step forward equals two back that might not be a fact - that might actually be you taking the small steps necessary to get yourself together again, without recognizing just yet that you're detaching. The immediate period after my ex broke up with me (just over three months ago), I'm talking the second month post-break up here, I was in a constant state of medium panic, I felt like I'd do anything to just fast forward away from the pain. I'm quite glad now that I didn't, even though it's been terrible at times. These things are bound to take time!

Could you describe what it is you're hoping for when reaching out to her?

Take care of yourself.
/Keef







Title: Re: Sorry but I have to vent
Post by: roberto516 on March 01, 2017, 04:04:11 PM
roberto516,



Sorry to hear it's tough right now.
Are you finding it hard to stay in no contact? What kind of response do you get (if any) from her?
I would, for your own peace of mind, advice you to not think in such terms. Maybe this isn't what you actually think. But, I'd however be careful with this approach, since it can be counterproductive and a hindrance to your empowerment.
I know how that feels. You're only two months out. And although it feels like one step forward equals two back that might not be a fact - that might actually be you taking the small steps necessary to get yourself together again, without recognizing just yet that you're detaching. The immediate period after my ex broke up with me (just over three months ago), I'm talking the second month post-break up here, I was in a constant state of medium panic, I felt like I'd do anything to just fast forward away from the pain. I'm quite glad now that I didn't, even though it's been terrible at times. These things are bound to take time!

Could you describe what it is you're hoping for when reaching out to her?

Take care of yourself.
/Keef







I reached out yesterday just to explain myself. I didn't want her to see that I left it on such nasty terms with my words. So I apoligized and foolishly extended an olive branch if she ever reconsidered. Her response was so callous. It was "what are you gonna do with our dog." Which she gave to me to take care of.

I know what I'm hoping for. For her to see what I see. But it will never happen. Not in a million years. I just need to stop


Title: Re: Sorry but I have to vent
Post by: roberto516 on March 01, 2017, 05:13:57 PM
And of course my boss texts me and says "we are moving offices down the hall" which is her old office when she worked there. You literally can't make this stuff up! I almost have to laugh at it now