BPDFamily.com

Hi all,

I'm not around much these days, although I try to drop in and support you all here because you helped me so much.

My SS is now almost 17, and while the age for him to have any input in his former home state is 18, he's made the decision to tell his uBPDm that he no longer wants to visit (we live two states away and my husband has full custody). She can't afford a plane ticket, let alone any more custody battling, and he knows it. Plus, it would be really hard to drag his 6'7" butt out of the house and onto a plane without his cooperation. 

SS started counseling the week he moved in with us almost 3.5 years ago. The counselor told us he presented like one of the abused foster children she also counsels. We're coming up on three years since his mom signed the final parenting agreement after she got out of jail. He's happy and thriving and making his own decisions about his future. He has a 4.25 GPA, scored in the top 10% on his PSAT, and has 50+ letters and solicitations from universities. We couldn't have done it without his awesome counselor - and it still took about 2.5 years for him to really let us know everything.

Recently we were marveling about how far he's come, and I suggested my husband email our attorney with an update and thank him again. He received the most heartfelt reply - the attorney said he teared up when he read how well SS17 is doing, and that letters like that encouraged him when he faced especially difficult cases. He has a new one coming up, and said he learned so much from our case that he's done really well since then, adding two more lawyers to his small, independent firm.

I just wanted to let you all know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Will uBPDm keep quiet? Who knows. But SS17 has escaped, and has no plans to go back. He told us she may have stolen his childhood, but she's not getting anything more.

As someone who is at the beginning of this journey, thank you so much for your post and follow-up on the "end" of the journey. It's incredibly helpful to read that things can, and eventually, do get better. My BF and I often talk about how one day we'll look back at this time and laugh and be grateful for how much it's helped us learn and grow as individuals and as a couple -- and I'm hopeful that our increased presence in my SS2's life will help prevent the BPDex from stealing more of his childhood as well. :) Thanks again.

Thank you for letting your attorney know about your happy ending.  I'm a family law attorney, and while I hope I do some good, its hard to know some times.  I can certainly understand your lawyer's response.

Yes Family Law I figured you don't get a lot of updates. Our lawyer is retired Navy, and was early in his private practice when we found him. He is very sharp, but had never encountered the likes of uBPDm. I gave him a lot of helpful information from this site on how to work with her and I am glad he can help other families too!

Cdizzle, my husband and I just shake our heads now at the absolute crazy our life was. It has certainly been a learning process, even into last summer when we were still being manipulated by her, unknowingly through SS16. She would tell him she was going to call to set up visitation as soon as they were done on the phone. We would think "oh, we need to get ahead of this" and make an acceptable plan and email her. That last time, it finally dawned on us that she NEVER called. So we waited. Every time she mentioned it, we just waited. We told SS16 what we were doing and you could see the light bulb go on over his head too. And you know what? He hasn't visited since.  Good luck to you!