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She wanted me to take her to see her grandmother in the nursing home today then spend the rest of the day together. I said that wasn't a good idea that my replacement would show up from out of town this morning and she would bail on our plans. She promised I would see that wouldn't happen. Well guess what happened this morning the replacement showed up and she bailed on me.

She then had the nerve to text me and say that she wishes I was there holding her.  Wtf is that? Why are they such liers and sorry pieces of crap. Why do they get off on making others hurt?

Well I didn't text back and I'm not going to. In a way I'm glad this happened because I didn't want to spend the day with her anyway. I felt bad because her grandmother is sick that was the only reason I was going to go. I feel bad when she couldn't care less. As long as someone is there to kiss her butt and tend to her every whim she is fine. And what about poor sick grandma?
She is to busy to even care now.

I would hate to be such a pathetic person. She hasn't even had a job or income for 2 months now. Not even trying to get one. What a sorry mooch. Good ridiance to her and her new pathetic playmate. Glad I'm out of this now.

Good prediction there, Glaciercats. This is the same behavior as the drunk man knocking on the door of his ex at three a.m. when he hasn't seen her in five months.  She isn't a high value person, just a waste of your time and attention.
  When she does the "I wish you were holding me," type stuff, text back, "I'm glad I'm not."  Once she gets the picture that you have emotionally dumped her, she'll move on to hooking some other guy. People with strong boundaries don't interest BPD because they aren't easily manipulated.

I'm sorry you've had this, and I feel the frustration coming through in your post. pwBPD have such a different way of thinking, that it is really hard for us to fathom how someone can behave in this way.

But you've got it right with... .
 
It sounds like you are out of the FOG, you are analysing and predicting her behaviour without getting drawn into the chaos and the drama. Good for you!

I was so angry when I typed that. I don't want to be this angry person anymore. She pushes buttons that make me flip and then wonders why I'm being so mean. Never seeing what she does to cause it.

She came by last night I didn't answer the door. She then texted my phone over and over. I wasn't going to respond until she said she was going to call my mom to check on me. So I responded with I'm ok only because I don't want my mom involved. She then texted me how she loved me and how everything was her fault. And after that she asked if I was still going to help her with a bill and put gas in her car. After that I flipped out. Told her that was before she bailed on me and that she needed to get the replacement to help. Or get out of bed and look for a job. I told her I wasn't going to be used anymore. She didn't like me standing up for myself and said I speak horrible words to her and begged me to stop. She can not fathom the truth. If it's not nice and sugar coated words she doesn't want to hear them.

I am tired of biting my tongue. Her actions are what causes my words. So I told her I would say whatever I want and if she doesn't want to hear it then she should stop texting me.

What's funny is today after what happened last night I feel really bad. Everything I said was true but she doesn't grasp any of it. It felt like i was scolding a child and now I feel bad for doing it. I know I shouldn't though. I don't like being this person. It's not me.

Sorry for the long post just needed to vent.

Glaciercats,

I'm sorry you are going through this. It hurts so much to feel like you are disposable and used. I know the feeling and once I grokked it, the fairy tale was over for me. Your feelings are very understandable, even as you know that lashing out probably hurts you just as much as it does your ex. 

Her behavior is triggering stuff that is already inside you—if you can, deal with those thoughts, beliefs, and feelings that are the cause of your pain.

Is the contact with her helping or hurting your recovery?

heartandwhole

Thank you for your response heart,

It's true the fairy tale has ended and it has me feeling bitter inside. Normally I wouldn't speak that way to people even if it was true. But I feel like I'm banging my head against the wall just trying to get her to see.

I think the contact is hurting me. After all she has put my thru I still feel bad for her. I know I have to let this go. I need to focus on me. She has no family to speak of but I know that is her doings. I can't save her anymore. I can't make it all better.

I really get that. And you have every right to feel that way.


Totally understand why you would want her to see. Been there. But please don't underestimate the power of denial and shame. The only person that has to "see" what is happening is you.    It IS sad, but you can only save yourself, and in the process be an example to others (even to her) of how to respect and take care of yourself.

heartandwhole

Hi Glaciercats
I so know how this feels and hurt for you. I was the same and felt so guilty, it is like trying to reason with a small child. Please don't feel bad. Everything they do comes from their tortured mind, this is a terrible mental illness after all. Despite all the defining BPD traits there are different levels of the illness. Mine was able to feel guilt for sure but was equally able to ignore it when it suited. In the end total NC was the only way to keep him burrowing under my skin and into my heart again. I still hurt very much, am still not whole but am getting there. Maybe you should consider telling your mum to ignore any weird messages if she gets them and try NC . For every action there is a reaction. Block her everywhere, hopefully she will eventually get the message and give up.
Love from
Sadly x

Thank you sadly,

It does hurt some days worse than others. I'm doing a little better since I vented all of that the other day. Was just so hurt at the time.  Trying so hard to stay strong and get through this. Talking on here really does seem to help.

It does feel like reasoning with a child and I'm going to have to accept that. Just taking it one day at a time for now.

NP GC
This is a great place to vent. We all have good and bad days and then there are the worse than bad days, yet hear we all are. I get them really badly too, usually episodes of deep dark sadness but they don't last all day and night like they used to 
Love from
Sadly x