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Title: raised by single mother with BPD (no refuge) Post by: kali3 on March 04, 2017, 08:32:49 PM seeking a way not to feel guilty - anymore
a way to be ok with me BPD mother is now elderly, needs more looking after. Has made herself isolated has no one but me. I feel I have only ever had a/my life the decade or so that I completly cut her off from my life. Should have stayed away. I "fell for it again". Now find myself back down that rabbit hole and same old, same old cycles coming round & round. No boundaries again ... . I would like to just not deal, but BPD elderly parent is now needy and isolated. I try to maintain some distance but then only walk talk and breath GUILT Also, Susceptible to societies, honor of mother... .especially an elderly one ... .lucky to have... .what is wrong with you Anyone else get this? How to cope ? Title: Re: raised by single mother with BPD (no refuge) Post by: Naughty Nibbler on March 04, 2017, 09:55:16 PM Welcome kali3: I'm so sorry about the difficult time you are having with you mom. People who have normal parents aren't able to understand your situation, but you aren't alone here. Many here can relate to having BPD mothers or other family members and are willing to lend a listening ear, share and hopefully help you. Does you mom live alone? If so, any chance to hire someone to help her with various things? Quote from: kali3 No boundaries again ... . Boundaries are for you to set and enforce. They are for your protection. People with BPD (pwBPD) usually won't want to honor your boundaries. It is up to you to consistently enforce them. Unfortunately, we can't change others, only the way we interact and react. The links below lead to some specific information that will likely be helpful. Working through FOG (fear, obligation and guilt), setting firm boundaries and employing some validation and communication skills can make things better for you. The information below can get you started with some basic tools. FOG - DEALING WITH FEAR, OBLIGATION AND GUILT (https://bpdfamily.com/content/emotional-blackmail-fear-obligation-and-guilt-fog) BOUNDARIES WORKSHOP (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=61684.0) COMMUNICATIONS OVERIVEW (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=69272.0;all) VALIDATION (https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-validation) Validation (or minimally not being invalidating), can be a productive tool to use. It doesn't mean that you agree with your mom's position, just that you acknowledge her feelings. AVOIDING CIRCULAR ARGUMENTS (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=118892.0;all) Check out some of the tools/links and let us know what your think. Take it a step at a time, a tool at a time. I've found it helpful to bookmark some of the lessons as I discover them, that way it's easier to go back to them. Some people like to read the articles/workshops and then come back and post to confirm their understanding and to practice ways to apply the tools to their situation. What boundaries would you like to enforce? What are some of your mom's most troubling behaviors? |