BPDFamily.com

Not too long ago I started this post about my girlfriend -- https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=306676.new#new

Now I feel like I need to write something in this forum area because I don't know if our relationship can be saved.

I followed what I've read in how to not raise your voice and try to set boundaries.

I told her I was walking away in our argument on Thursday night and going to shut my bedroom door until she calmed down but she followed and stood in my doorway. I never raised my voice once, which upset her even more. I almost believe she wanted me to lash out to give her some sort of validation for her behavior.

She didn't talk to me at all through Friday. I left a gift that I had bought her a while back and had just arrived out as a sort of piece offering. What I got when I came home was a note saying thank you but I already have this poster, and to not buy her anymore gifts because it isn't helpful.

Today she spent the morning avoiding me at all costs. I took my dogs to the backyard to go to the bathroom, she sat on the front steps. She stayed out there for a few hours before going to her room and shutting the door.

I went out to see my therapist for a rare Saturday appointment where she told me I need to have her leave. This was surprising since she was my GF's former therapist and she recommended I see her.

I decided to go out for a little bit to spend time with my friends to enjoy a little space. I arrive to find her gone. No note this time, but the lights all off. Not like her to do that.

I miss her very much. And I feel like I'm in the wrong for how I handled it no matter how many people tell me I did it the right way on Thursday night.

Is there anything I can do to salvage this or has the damage already been done?

I can see how you might feel wrong for protecting yourself.

If this is a new behavior for your relationship, then it will take some getting used to.

The truth is she won't respect you if you allow her to rage at you.

If she thinks she hurt you, then she may feel bad about how she behaved, and it will be harder for her to get over it.

Be the attractive awesome guy she met  *)

Sometimes a full reset can help, tho I know this is hard if you are dealing with depression.

Don't help her too much, too. She needs to feel a sense of adequacy and solving her problems for her won't help her feel better about herself. At the very least, lead with, "Let me know if there is anything I can do to help." If she doesn't respond or can't answer it, then let it go.

I agree with what LnL said; you were given some great advice.

I also want to add that, as trite as this sounds, as long as you have hope, there is still hope.

That being said, and I know that this may be hard right now, but ruminating on all of it won't do you much good and you should not waste the energy. That doesn't mean that I'm not suggesting that you should not examine your own behaviors, just that you shouldn't obsess about what has already passed. You cannot change it.

Hi sflbuckeye78,

*welcome*


I'm sorry that you're going through this difficult time. I just wanted to add about what Meili said about not obsessing, don't be hard on yourself, don't lay the lion's share of the blame on you, a r/s takes two people, you have your half and your gf has her share too.