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Title: Holding my Tablet Hostage Post by: WifeOfProbableBP on March 05, 2017, 09:55:31 AM When I woke up this morning, I found that I had been locked out of my tablet. It displayed the words "Loony Tunes Crazy."
I asked my BPh to please unlock it. He says that I am always lying to him, which I am not. He sent me these messages: "I will give you a chance to be honest. When today is done is your clock. I can give you the password for your tablet too." "How about we play a game. For everything you tell me the truth about, I will give you a letter for your tablet password." Any ideas about how to handle this? If I play along, I know that I will be very resentful about it. Title: Re: Holding my Tablet Hostage Post by: Naughty Nibbler on March 05, 2017, 11:52:57 AM Hi WifeOfProbableBP:
I think if you join the game, the genie will be out of the bottle and there will be more games to come. Are you still living at your parent's home? What are the consequences to you to not be able to use the tablet for a few day? (any important files at issue?) Is there a recent event/situation that he thinks you are lying about? I'm thinking he would enjoy getting a huge reaction from you. This must be very frustrating for you, but if you can stay as calm as possible, it will be better for you. The following statement is a possible "I" Statement to make to your husband in a calm manner. You can change the feeling that best suits you and change the wording. The basic formula for an "I" Statement is: I Feel ______When _________Because______ . You can adjust the order of the wording. Here is an example: It's important to me that I'm in a relationship with mutual trust. Locking me out of my tablet makes me feel sad, because it tells me that I can't trust you. I won't participate in your game. Once you unlock the tablet, and are ready to have a calm discussion, we can discuss whatever is bothering you. You may have some options to get around the password situation. If you are up to the challenge, you can Google for tech advice for your particular tablet. Last resort, you may have to pay for some technical service. You may want to change your passwords going forward. If you can't trust your partner, you can't share your passwords. Additionally, if you can't trust him, you can't leave open devices unattended when you are in his presence. Title: Re: Holding my Tablet Hostage Post by: WifeOfProbableBP on March 05, 2017, 01:01:41 PM Thank you for the response! I did decide that I will not play along. I just sent him a message & used the communication model to express how the breach of boundary made me feel, & what I want.
I am still living at my parents' home. I can live without my tablet for a few days. He thinks that there are many recent situations that I am lying about. He has labeled me "a liar" in general. He often accuses me of infidelity. I have never cheated on anyone, in any interpretation of the word, in my life. He claims that I am deleting phone logs from my phone, editing my GPS timeline history, etc. Unfortunately, I think that some of the technology he uses to spy on me may actually be incorrectly reporting the time, date, my location, etc. Sigh. |