BPDFamily.com

6 months out from a horrible breakup with a woman who I suspected had BPD/NPD some combination of cluster b disorder, etc.

When things end, she completely switched gears after a major fight we had, which involved her texting another guy and claimed it was nothing. I could tell in my gut she was lying. We had a huge fight and she ended the relationship the next day. This was after a year and a half.

I of course didn't want things to end so I kept trying to get in touch with her and get her to rethink things as we'd been together for a long time and it shouldn't end because of this. After a week she seemed annoyed and confused as to how I wasn't able to "move on" yet. It had been a week...

Finally she threatened to call the police on me. This was a woman who for over a year appeared sweeter than sweet to me. And now she's threatening to call the police? But I've read that when a BPD gets dumped, they act the way I was acting, i.e. constantly trying to reach out, etc.

A few cliffs about this woman
- self described "mean" person. Although She was very nice to me for over a year
- dysfunction childhood. Her mother and father hate each other. She strongly sides with her mother. I met her mother once. Very strange woman. I got the sense that the girl I was dating was her mother's caretaker. She still lives with her mother.
- She could be prone to quick, short bursts of anger and rage. Although this only came out once or twice when we were dating.
-She was non communitative. Would rarely talk about her feelings more than just a shallow service level.

Jinglebells I can't believe how similar we are here. Our exes seem to be the exact same person. Maybe we were dating the same person . I also thought I was going crazy. I posted something on this forum a week ago with the same topic. She too ended it and I was trying to get her back .She berated me because mutual people we used to work with were concerned about my depression. She told me to "get over it." So I got real angry and she had her father's attorney document all the mean things I was saying to her.

Self described mean person? Yeah. I remember when we agreed not to have kids and she said "Yeah. I'm so selfish could you imagine me having to take care of a child?" The very short quick burst of anger that I only saw rarely. In reality it would have been more if I had set more boundaries. And her inability to talk about emotions on any level.

Someone with these traits, as I know it, put their identity in us. So when they find someone else or something else they can mirror and they get the same positive feelings and emotions from them there is no need to keep us around.

I thought arguments and disagreements were healthy to a relationship. What I think we both failed to realize is that, to them, we were just pushing them further and further to the fact that this relationship can't be good for me. We would have had to of been "on" every day of the year and be okay with no boundaries and doing whatever they wanted us to do at all times.

So I wrestled with the same struggle here. Was I nuts? But I know I"m not. Codependent? Sure. A caretaker to a fault? Absolutely. And they are't crazy either. It's just their personality. And one of the final games they play with us is to do one final manipulation to make us question our own sanity. This way they can look at it and say "Good thing I did leave. He became crazy!"

Take care!

Thanks for the response. It's encouraging to know others have experienced similar to what I went through; obviously not because anyone should have to go through this, but it's helpful to know I'm not crazy.

I think these people are so used to their bullsh*t tactics working on people, that when someone comes along that isn't willing to give up so easily and actually call them out on their hypocrisy and paradoxical behavior it throws them for a loop; and being that their emotional IQ is so low, they happily and pathetically get law enforcement involved and play the role of the victim.

The farther removed I get from this woman, the more my feelings of anger and hate are diminishing and the more pity I feel for her. What a pathetic and shallow life she has ahead of her.

THIS... .

I sometimes get angry, but it seems completely wasted on her as she is pathetic and shallow and is incapable of understanding her behaviour and it's affects on others... .and my BPDx is in therapy and it will be years before she realises what she is, if at all. 

I was in two of these relationships foolishly. The first one was much more cut and dry BPD traits where she had set up her new boyfriend long before, etc etc. They are still together, but I am living proof that I can think about her all I want, I don't though. She doesn't cross my mind. But I don't wish her any ill will. I don't even pity her anymore. I have a feeling the boyfriend must be in a tough spot because now they have a kid together. But I have accepted that is who she is. And who am I to tell her what to do?

Humorous because it's the exact opposite of what I think with the recent relationship. My days are getting better ever since I blocked her on all forms of communication. But it's funny that I can't possibly believe right now that I will ever look back and not hate or pity her. I don't hate her now. More of a pity thing like you. But one day I'm gonna smile because I know I won't even pity her anymore. She will have my compassion one day.