BPDFamily.com

Hello,

Glad to find this site!  I desire and need support to deal with my dear husband who has had a few diagnoses.  However, the more I read, the more I recognize BPD traits.  My desire is to educate myself to help him and help myself.  Since it can be extremely difficult at times, and no one around you understands to even give you some wise advice, I thought this may be the place I need for support and mutual encouragement.  I have never been part of a group like this online, so we shall see how this goes.  I must mention that I have signed up for a class Family-to-Family offered by NAMI soon.  I am looking forward to that class.  

Have a blessed day.

Welcome. I hope you find many answers here.

It is strange - when I try to tell stories to my friends, they look at me with that completely unbelievable expression on their face. But on this site, every story i read is "yeah - that could be me".

How long have you been married? Kids?

WElcome ,

This site can be very refreshing to find support that is difficult to find elsewhere. Most people do not understand what it's like to live with someone with BPD. Their first thought is that you shouldn't put up with this behavior and leave, but it's much more complex than that. That's one of the thigns I like most about the improving board. No one will tell you to leave your relationship, but will instead encourage you to find ways to work through the conflicts that come with loving a pwBPD.

I have heard of the Nami face to face groups. I am curious to hear how your first meeting goes as I've thought about finding one of the groups but I wasn't sure if the focus would be more towards the more well known mental illnesses.

Thanks much for writing.  We have been married for almost four years.  I married later in life, so we don't have kids.  I am actually glad that we don't have to deal with that.  It will make things even more difficult.  My understanding about the NAMI classes, Family-to-Family, is that they teach new skills to deal with these BPD traits.  I just began to read "The High Conflict Couple" by Alan E. Fruzzetti, and Foreword by Marsha M. Linehan, who is the author of DBT (Dialectal Behavior Therapy), which seems to be the most effective therapy for BPD.  It's an excellent book so far. It goes to the basics of understanding emotion in relationships, accepting yourself and your partner, how to stop making things worse, how to express accurately, etc. 

I have listened to many videos on line about these two authors who are excellent and very compassionate.  I guess my goal, desire and prayer is that I own my stuff first, see how I am contributing to it, and become healthier myself first.  I know we all bring our own baggage.  I know at times I also react and try to defend myself, because it hurts.  As I receive support, validation (just reading all the stories in this forum has been tremendously validating to me!) and continue my own growth, hopefully I will be able to model better behavior at home. 

I have also located a therapist in town who does DBT for couples and follows the book I mentioned above.  I am trying to find out if the therapist can start with me now, or wait until he is ready later.  She is the only therapist here in town trained by Marsha M. Linehan, so I don't want to start, then later be told that she can not see him, because of conflict of interest!  Although I heard in a webinar today by Dr. John G. Gunderson from McLean Hospital (another great source for weekly interactive webinars for FREE that you can sign up), that any good therapist can work with you.  I am not completely convinced of that yet!  :)