BPDFamily.com

So, no sure if the chiropractor is helping as much as we'd hoped, H is still going 2 times a week since January, (3 times a week in December).  It's not bad to go, but it eats so much time and even with the co pay, adds up.  He's still fighting lack of motor control in his legs, shooting pains, muscle weakness, numbness and over sensitivity in legs/feet.  There are days when walking is very difficult.  Not just pain, but difficult to make things move, not lose balance, and not give out from under him.  There are no neurologists in our town, and he does not have enough leave saved up for us to make trips to the nearest town, 45 miles away (and it does not look like anyone on our insurance is open Saturdays).  Even if we just had afternoon appointments it would eat up half a day most likely several times a month, to get there, fight traffic, get to the appointment, and get home.  

It sounds like a nerve or circulation issue, centered in his lower back.  He can put my hand on the spot where he feels things are pinched.  X-rays showed no vertebrate out of alignment, just a little compressed, which is what the chiropractor focuses on.  I don't know what we can do now.  He will eat up more sick leave until we get this fixed, but he needs the sick leave to try to get it fixed if we have to go out of town.  I'd take him to a podiatrist if I thought it'd help and one was still around in our location, but I think he retired.  I am upping his B12, and got him on some supplements to increase circulation, and want to try to get him out for walks as a kind of physical therapy, but in the last 3 times, he's gotten weak 2 of them.  

This is of course feeding his depression, and BPD makes him very irrational about things.  There is also the ED issue that seems tied to this.  I read up on it, and asked him if he'd noticed any normal morning reactions upon waking.  He said, no, not for several months.  My reading said that this points to a physical issue, not an emotional one, but it sure hurts him emotionally.  

It's also difficult to get a solid feel for how his body is behaving, as it's all told through the lens of his emotions - his emotions feel okay?  His legs might be better.  His emotions are worse?  He will probably lose the ability to walk in a few years.  If it's cold, his emotions tank and his body hurts more.  I am hoping that warmer weather and sun are a big part of the medicine he needs, but I am a bit at my wits end about what I can do.  

Sorry, just shared more on here than with most people we know.  I felt so proud he was willing to try the chiropractor, and after a few trips it looked like that may be the solution.  But it's been months now, and he's not improved much beyond that initial boost.  

Hi isilme:

Sorry to hear about your husbands back problems.  One way to think of the situation is that the longer you wait to see a neurologist, the worse things might get.  Sometimes, the fix is a lot simpler early on.  It might cost part of a days wages, using vacation time, etc., to make time to see the doctor and get an MRI; but, he will likely lose a lot more time and wages, if he falls and gets injured or suddenly can't walk at all.

If he feels better, he will likely be in a better mood.

Hope his back problem resolves soon and he feels better.

Just wanted to chime in and agree with Naughty Nibbler here.

He needs a neuro, no matter what the sacrifice.  I have friends that are PT's and they cannot address the underlying neuro issue, just the gait pattern and strength, maybe a sports medicine/or outpt place can do some neuro muscular reeducation with e stim, but really what is needed is a proper diagnosis.  No one can assume it is coming from spine, maybe, but maybe not, and even so, if nerves are not properly activating the muscles, therapy will only get him so far, just like chiro.  If it is a compression issue at spine, maybe he needs a lumbar laminectomy, (pretty common procedure) and no amount of PT or chiro can replace allieviating the spine from compressing the nerves.  He needs a decent neuro, or what may be preventable, may become irreversable, can lead to being totally permanently disabled.

Yes, he needs to go, but he cannot get off work, and we can't have him lose his job.  No job - no insurance. No insurance, no change we could get him ever to see someone.  He works a customer service portal, and the only other person to keep it open just left the state.  If he is out, people get cranky.  There is a hiring freeze until the end of the fiscal year, and he has had to take leave without pay a few times this year already, putting him on thin ice as far as that goes.  Even if I don't think they want to fire him, HIS impression is that they do, and you know how hard it is to get agreement to even go SEE a MD when your H has BPD (I suspect you do)? 

I'm just tired of everything being so far away even though we have a hospital in town, and while I know other people think nothing of a 90+ mile round trip (not counting the in-town driving), it stresses me out.  I could see sacrificing an afternoon to go for a consult in town.  I can't see driving once or twice a week out of town for consultations and xrays and MRIs and extended leave if surgery IS needed.

Then there is the fact I can't gauge how much of this is 'real' and how much are his emotions clouding his impressions. 

Last night he decided he wants to have his potential asthma looked at first - I have contacted our insurance to find us someone to go to locally (hoping someone is available). 

 You have a real snarl of mixed problems here:

• Problems juggling money, time, medical insurance, work to get your H treated and/or diagnosed.
• Problems figuring out what the best medical solutions are for his medical issues.
• Problems with your H's mental health that make dealing with any of the above worse.

I'm thinking that you can figure out what you can do about each group separately. And acknowledge that a few aspects really don't have an available solution... .or that there are really unpleasant consequences of all available options.

Yes - I'm trying.  I come here to write things out so I can see them.  I don't like to talk to people in real life about things.  I hate feeling like I've aired our dirty laundry to friends.

I have signed into a weird thing offered by both our workplaces, that is claiming it can help me locate treatment locations.  Right now, the lady is trying to find me a local pulmonologist, I think, to address the asthma.  She's the one who confirmed there are no neurologists nearby. 

It's just hard to explain to people who live in more urban, well-stocked areas for various services.  I have a friend who recently learned that she has 2  masses that need to be removed from her uterus, maybe needing a full hysterectomy.  Her previous MD missed it for 3 years (a suit is being formed).  Watching her try to juggle work and time to drive back and forth when she's not even out of time yet, trying to save as much as possible for the surgery, is dizzying.  I like not having traffic to get home.  I don't mind getting most things online because we don't have stores to provide them.  But I hate how few MDs there are accessible around here. 

Also, it's a pet peeve of mine, but I get so many people I speak to who can't understand being unable to plan to do things during the period from M-F, 8am-5pm, like they are surprised we work, or that calling in has consequences.  I know sometimes it's because they assume I'm a stay at home wife (service calls), but I'm not.  H and I both work - I've worked FT for 17 years.  We work on a college campus, in a weird convoluted way different parts of the same system, but people assume like teachers we are off summers, all of spring break, and a month at Christmas.  They acknowledge we work, but then ask questions about why we aren't free.  It's kinda maddening.  H's parents are some of the worst offenders. 

My job and his job both need time to request off in advance, and even though I've worked hard to save up my own time, I'd used up quite a chunk driving him back and forth, and partly due to his BPD, he HATES driving.  If he concedes to actually seeing a MD, I'm fine driving (I'm the safer driver with a better sense of direction, anyway), but we both need the time saved up for that to happen, and it would eat into MY sick time.  I blew through all of my own sick time two years ago due to the flu, so I've been working 2 years to build a buffer in case I get sick like that again.  He's struggling to make it through this month without calling in at all - he calls in mornings most often, and manages to burn through his leave sometimes in one month, sometimes over a period of 2-3.  Part of it, I know, is the BPD making him feel like calling in more than I do.  Part of it really is the pain. 

Thanks for listening - I just need a place to talk it out, get it out, I hate crying in front of people and this is my release valve.