BPDFamily.com

So... .this is my first post, and I think I am in need of some support... .

Last Thursday, my dearest kind of exploded emotionally, and I had to pack my stuff and leave. A few months ago, she told me that she had (according to herself) BPD, and being a medical student, but in love, it actually did not come as a hugh surprise. I have red up on the matter, and the signs are there; mood swings, forgetting/changing meetings without communication, dominating the conversation and a more or less constant underlying mistrust towards me.

And to complicate things; she has three kids since a previous relationship, which I have bonded quite strongly with. So life is somewhat of a mess at the moment.

So any tips? It is quite impossible to talk about her seeking counseling, since I! am the one with problems, because I tell her that it effects her relationship with me and the kids in a bad way... .I know; telling a mother that she does something that effects here kids is highly sensitive, but it's the truth. Sometimes she is clear-headed and sees all this, and that is a good thing of course, but how can I help her to stay (longer) in that emotionally positive state?

*welcome*

I bet that it is impossible to talk to her about seeking counseling when she's emotionally dysregulated. My guess is that it is extremely frustrating for you because you love her and the kids and just want the best for everyone involved. I know that's how I would feel in that situation.

When a pwBPD is in that state, their actions and thoughts are ruled by their emotions. That is a good time to listen with empathy and not invalidate her. Telling her that she's hurting her children (whether true or not) does just that; it invalidates her. But, now that you've told her, let it go unless she asks about it.

There are a lot of great resources on this site to help you improve the relationship. There are initial tools in the sidebar to the right of this page to help get you started. Reading the posts of others, taking a look at the workshops and lessons, and asking any questions that you are comfortable with should also help. We are here to support you.

How long have you two been together?

I look forward to reading more about your story. Keep posting, it's therapeutic!

Are you two in touch?

Did she kick you out or did you offer to leave?

Anything like this happen before?

Glad you posted. We're here to walk with you on this path.  :)

LnL