BPDFamily.com

I had my first counseling session today and it felt good.  I spent two hours filling in my background information... .that of my uBPDw... .and then the incident with her cousin which precipitated the current crisis.  For that background you'll need to read my first post... .Where do I begin... .

The counselor agrees my wife's story is unbelievable... .but that isn't why I was there.  Our agreed upon goals are helping me establish boundaries... .rebuilding trust with my wife... .expressing anger in a healthy fashion...

She said one of the things I have a problem with is distinguishing between those actions of my wife which warrant suspicion on my part... .and those actions which are actually innocuous... .to which I over-react with suspicion.  This is brought on by a history of marriages where infidelity played a role... .to include my current marriage.  When I over-react this causes the wife to feel like I am overbearing... .making her more closed off and less able to share the truth or be vulnerable with me... .thus it becomes a feedback loop where because I don't trust her she hides things and becomes less trustworthy.

She's helping me to find an English speaking marriage counselor... .which might end up being her practice partner... .not ideal... .but with a limited number of English speaking therapists to consult it may be our only option.  She agrees the goals for the marriage counseling need to be communication, re-establishing trust... .and moving forward.

My wife's own counseling continues and we are awaiting the Psychiatric referral where I suspect she'll find a dx of BPD.  All in all it's been a good... .if somewhat emotional... .day... .this board has been a huge help in providing a safe space to vent... .and some of you ask really good... .if "harsh" or "realistic" questions.  Thanks for being here.

I'm glad to hear that the counseling session went well! Those do sound like good goals on which to work. I think that it's great that you are looking at the only thing that you can control, yourself. That really is a big deal. Many people find that to be one of the hardest parts of trying to save a failed/failing relationship. Pat yourself on the back for doing the hard stuff.