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It's actually very simple. He needs to be in total control of the person he is with - this is what he calls "trust" - when he controls someone completely he says he trusts her. However any attempt at control makes me head for the hills. I am hyper sensitive at any attempt to control me - having had a BPD mom - and even normal men,s behaviour I can sometimes sense as controlling. So when we see eachother and get closer he starts in with his manipulation to try and get control, and I bolt.

That definitely makes sense. He is seeking control, but is unable to get it. That is great that you were able to bolt when he tried to manipulate control though.

i can relate to being hypersensitive to what i perceive as efforts to control me. i have found that at times my boundaries can be a bit too rigid, and myself totally dismissive of legitimate complaints/concerns/relationship problems.

how do you think the two of you ended up together in spite of this?

The most magnetic attraction I have ever experienced with anyone. Why this happened I don't know. But we didn't last long. I bolted quickly - but not before I got hooked. The whole thing ripped me apart - his attempts at control made me bolt, but the familiarity I had with him made me feel like I had met my long lost childhood best friend. For once I felt understood by someone. Problem was he kept being manipulative and it's almost as though I've developed a major allergy to that. I really felt like I was being torn apart by both fear and attraction.