BPDFamily.com

Hey all,

It's been a long time since my last post here. I finished my undergrad degree and slid right into grad school for my MA in counseling. My developmental psych class required a presentation talking about my developmental influences. As many of you can attest, people like us have a bit more complicated darkness in our childhood than one might want to discuss in front of a group of fellow students.  I edited my story pretty heavily to make it palatable to people who don't get it.  It was a rough 30 minutes, but I got a lot of validation and compliments after from some of my classmates. That night, my dreams went into overdrive again. It's been awhile since I've had dreams about confronting my BPDm and enDad, so it was noteworthy that I had that kind of dream again. My T was big on dream interpretation and asked me to journal them. I always avoided discussing dreams with her, mine are historically pretty dark and disturbing. I usually just let them cook on the back burner and mull them over later. What do you guys do with your dream life?

I try to forget dreams as fast as possible, otherwise they disturb me.
I do see them as a way that my mind brings up suppressed stuff that needs work.
I am in trauma therapy working through things via some EMDR and EMDR-like modalities.

I did EMDR for awhile too. Sometimes my T just had me hold on to the tappers and just talk. Powerful stuff. My favorite was sandplay therapy. Very effective.

Not sure how your EMDR went, but seems like your presentation stirred some stuff up?

You want to share a bit about what it stirred up or why? -in case giving it a voice is helpful.

Or maybe not as rehashing it can be an issue.

I ask about EMDR cause I'm still doing work and still curious how it works always.  I have tried some home EMDR that I think was helpful.  Since you did a whole session holding the things, maybe helpful, idk.  I wonder why a whole session tho.

So anyway... .
(My thoughts a but distracted sorry)
Anyway... .
There is a youtube of EMDR I found.  It is a blip moving across screen and if I get my face close enough, it can work some.  Yet in session, seems it also helps to have T to share some things that pop up.  Also, T has had me do solo tapping at home on some things by crossing the arms, then tapping alternate shoulders.  I have tried this to help secure in "safe places/feelings" and also for trauma stuff.

I forget though which things I am not supposed to tap.

Sorry, I did not connect my thoughts too well.  In my first post, what I meant is... .that I try to just recall the topic of the dream, but I prefer to forget the details.  The details feel too triggering to me. So that way I can bring the topic into sessions and work on what popped up.

Yet, that is me.  I tend to be a bit phobic of my dreams.  Yet I do find them to be a good way to discuss tooics lingering in my subconscious that I otherwise could not feel comfy bringing up.

For me, it is like someone asking for advice, saying "a friend of mine is scared of xyz, what should she do." And we both know the person is really talking about themself.  So retelling my dream and what happened, feels easier and safer to me at times than directly talking about some things that otherwise would feel overwhelming.

(Hooefully that made more sense)

The full session EMDR we did was with two vibrating "tappers" that alternated every other second or so to provide the bilateral stimulation. She had me visualize a safe/comforting place as a mental "home base" if things got to distressing. Then we basically just follow a memory down the rabbit hole. The purpose is to help you relive the memory and reconnect it to the emotions that came with it while in the safe therapeutic environment aided by the therapist and the bilateral stimulation. It took about 40 minutes each time. It's a variant on a therapy originally developed for war vets with PTSD. In their version, beta blockers were used in conjunction with hypnosis to walk the soldiers through the traumatic memory while their emotions were muted by the drug. It's just as effective to use the bilateral stimulation, plus no drug reactions. It's a heavy duty session every time I've done it, but I can't deny it's effects.