BPDFamily.com

So, I ran into my ex today att the gym after having NC for 6 weeks.  I didn't notice he was here until he started approaching me. My initial instinct was to walk away and leave.  As I did that he followed me and told me I didn't have to leave. That I could just do my workout there.  I said no, no that's ok. He insisted and again I said no. He gave me some reason to just workout, as if it was no big deal. I again said no, I was meeting someone there and it wouldn't be a good idea.to which he says "well have him still come and workout"  I still ended up leaving. I am still shaken up 2 hrs later.  The last time we talked he had yelled at me and was horribly mean.  He blocked me on social media and changed his number.  Now here he was telling me to just stay? Why even approach me? He has  recycled me more times than I can count during the last 7 years of our break up.  Every time he leaves it's the same "we need to move on" speech. I am on edge that I will hear from him soon given our run in.  Especially since he assumed that I was meeting another man at the gym. This is usually a trigger for him. Any insight into this would be greatly appreciated. Im not sure why to expect or what his approach was about.  Help!

What's going on in his head is anyone's guess.
I wouldn't even attempt tbh.

You recognise how toxic he is to you, but your only control is over you.

Have you read the article on No Contact?
https://bpdfamily.com/content/no-contact-right-way-wrong-way

I know, I know it's a lost cause. I'm just feeling very triggered at the moment and I'm trying to make sense of it. I have this issue with control and needing to be prepared for things. Ive read the article a few times.

I'm sorry to hear that, it's very distressing I know.
I don't think you've an issue with control - I think you've a very natural desire for stability.
And incidents such as this - or merely his presence - make that very hard to achieve.

When you're stronger later, these things can be adjusted.
But I think of it, like an addict not hanging out with her drinking buddies.

I'm physically bigger and stronger than most males, I have some training in combat... .yet if I even sense that my Malignant Narcissist/BPD ex may be in the vicinity - I get anxious and unnerved.

8 months later since the attempted hit'n'run, and I still get anxiety coming out of the shopping centre late at night.

These are involuntary responses.
There's not a great deal I can do about them - other than to prevent myself being in situations where they may arise.

A kilogram of cure helps, but the efficacy of an gram of prevention... .

Thanks for your reply. I'm just so unsettled and I have veryyyyyy little support.  I have no one to talk to and I feel like I'm circling the drain. I'm sorry to hear about your hit and run. That's terrible.  I am very easily shaken by anything remotely related to him.  I am a huge mess.

I see mine in traffic every couple weeks or so and it still triggers me. It's awful

That's not true - Talk to us. We've all been through what you are going through.
We understand it.

Oh, she didn't get me - I was lucky.


You're not - trust me.
I know how you feel - but you're not a huge mess.

You're already incredibly strong - way stronger than I was/am.
Anybody who can survive 7 years in this type of relationship, possess a level of resilience that most of us simply don't have.

You're only 6 weeks out of a disordered relationship.
Right now... .all you need to do is survive.

What are you doing for self care Eazie?

Do you keep a gratitude journal?
Have you tried meditating?

Hi Eazie520, I’m sorry you’re feeling this way and you’re not alone .

I developed ptsd like symptoms during my relationship that carried on after it ended. I moved house and he didn’t know where I lived, however a tell-tale sound of a text message from him triggered much anxiety, my heart would race and I’d feel physically ill. It’s got a lot better the last 11 weeks as I’ve gone full no contact, but no doubt in my mind if I accidentally ran into him like you just experienced I’d feel the same as you.


Being the recipient of this type of behaviour is traumatic and takes its toll and many of us end up extremely anxious. I’ve lost count of how many times my ex said similar. His favourite during our 11 month break-up was “I love you, but I’ve moved on”, he’d then repeatedly say "goodbye" only to keep contacting me. It only stopped when I went full no contact.

This kind of trauma takes time to recover from. I’m still recovering, but the anxiety is normal given what we’ve been through and serves as a warning. A good reminder of why it’s good to be out. Hang on, it's early days for you yet, but it will get better.

Thanks everyone.  It's really hard to come on here or even talk about my experience. I am a licensed therapist and let me tell you, it makes it THAT much harder.  I have empathy and compassion for people and it makes it hard to see him in a negative light. Plus, you throw in the shame and guilt for not "knowing better" since I'm a therapist myself.   And I completely get the PTSD-like symptoms. I am distraught from running into him. Part of me wanted to cry, part of me wanted to punch Him, part of me wanted to just hug him or ask how he was.  I don't hate him. I'm just disappointed.