BPDFamily.com

It's been one week since the blowup. Since she went from discussing moving cities to live with me, to  splitting my head open with her phone while I was driving, and I revealed her violent tendencies to her parents. Since all this happened: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=307436.0

It was the longest we've ever gone NC. One week.

I wondered all week if the extended NC (for her) was due to her finding another outlet/person to give her attention. That's why she didn't reach out to me like she had before. There were already signs of her finding another person, strange behaviors like texting less, and adding a phone cover. Like many of you, I've experienced her starting fights over little things and projecting guilt onto me when she begins talking to other ppl or doing things she feels guilty over, and that had started again.

Then last night, I got a text from her ex-boyfriend, the man who she had cheated on me with repeatedly for 6 months. We only found out when I responded to one of his messages over Christmas, and it turned out she'd been lying to both of us and dating us both. Last night, he randomly asked if I was with her.

That told me two things. One, she was still likely communicating with him. Second, he suspected she was with another man (probably picking up on similar signals to me), but assumed it was me.

Then this morning, she texted me also with a simple "hey."

I haven't responded to either of them. A part of me wants to. To figure out if she misses me, to figure out if she's lying again and understand what's happening. To tell her parents she's still talking to her ex (who isn't a very nice guy, and they have told her to break off contact with him).

But then there's this other side of me that just says "don't go back in the web." Exes texting me? Multiple guys in the picture, seemingly all the time? The constant need for triangulation? Does it even matter why she reached out to me? Is that what I want to walk back into, when I have a great life otherwise? And would responding to either of them just make the violence she showed me a week ago justified? I don't want to re-enforce that behavior.

Anyway, this forum is a great place to ask these questions. So I figured talking to you guys was better than responding and regretting it. Any advice is appreciated.

You have a decision to make... .I won't offer any advice... .stay or go... .if you stay how do you deescalate the situation... .if you go... .will you be ok with it?  No advice, I'm here, I've heard you... .and I understand the dilemma.