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i dont learn. i lost my balls a long time ago

what happened, ShadowA?

Opened up to her through social media.
However I closed my accounts after.
But It was pretty pathetic in any regards.
Oh well.

Ironically, even tho I was basically saying how much I miss and was hurting, after saying it, I actually feel much better.
Dare I say, therapeutic?

It shouldn't bother me too much, but.
As I'm human and it was my first weak moment within months.
However, it's kinda scary as I don't know what to expect from her.
She could use it as ammo in order to gain sympathy and make me look worse if she still has the paint-it-black aspect.

It also just looks pathetic on my part altogether.

Honestly, I shouldn't care about such things.
But gotta be honest my self esteem is pretty shot now a-days.
As she damaged my self-esteem quite a bit from the constant push-pull, smear campaigns, and multiple depression episodes from the on-off constant.

are you saying you expressed your feelings to her, and then immediately closed your account? do i have that right?

what was the goal?

Not sure what the goal was.
Just was a weak moment for me.
But yes you got that right.
I was hoping the person I've known for so long and friends with, that loyal white version of the girl.
Would just suddenly snap out of it if I said how I felt. But that's not how the world works.
So as soon as I wrote it I quickly realized how much of a mistake it was.
Then I closed the accounts so I could further heal.

Well you have learned from it. I know How hard it is to avoid making contact, i did block my borderline ex on every social media app i know. But i miss her every day, Well i miss here How she "was" in the honeymoon period

Honestly I'm rethinking on it.
And although embarrassing.
It may be a blessing in disguise as it may deter her from cycling.

Seems totally human to me. No worries; that's normal. We learn from mistakes.

Hang in their ShadowA, we all have blips on the radar. I almost recontact the ex or look at social media every other day. I just focus on something she did that was a deal-breaker to remind me of why she doesn't deserve me.

Hey,

I did the same thing two weeks agom not on social media, but through email. She said she was lookking though old FB posts and saw my profile picture, and I looked sad. For a very long time when ever there was any contact, I always played they "I'm good", But that day I was just so tired of lying, that I told her that I have noting but regret, and sorrow, and that I am not doing good at all. She opened the door for me to be able to vent and open up to her about how sad I was, and to talk about my issues with her dumping me. That I am nor comfortable with talking to her about. A friend pointed out that she almost :gets off" on hearing how sad she made me.

Dont blam yourself for doing what you did, if you did not feel the way you do, or were unble to express that. I would say you needed to do some reflecting, on her and teh relationship. I don't know where I will land with my ex, if me opening up will just feed her desire that she made the "right" choice, to dump me and move in with a new guy within a month of moving out form me. Getting herself pregant "ops" so she told me. But I felt better saying how I felt.

The hard part now is how it ends up effecting you and them today and tomorrow.

It happens, my friend. Like many have said on here, we are only human.

My motto is don't beat yourself up over it. Learn and move on. There will always be a line of people out there wanting to bring us down.

Love yourself. We all make mistakes. Chin up!