BPDFamily.com

Hello everyone. I have a gf who is a high functioning BPD, has anxiety, and I think is ADHD. We have been going for 2 years now. So much change has happened in those years. Moved out of our parents house, went thru plenty of jobs, couched surfed for awhile, was homeless then for 3 months, and now finally have an apt together. I convinced her to stop taking her meds wen she was still living at her dads house. And for awhile she improved a lot. Then not. She became depressed. Giving into people. Going with the wind. She cheated on me the first time. Intoxicated and let the man do as he pleased. She hid it from me for months til I found out and exploded on her. And it really hurt her to the point she tried to kill herself by swallowing a whole bottle of ibuprofen. So I was stuck for a while between comforting her (because at the time she told me it was rape) and being hurt by the lie. Things were ok til we moved in to the apt. She started a new job. And quickly gained friends there. I was currently working at a bar. She started to begin to tell me I wasn't communicating with her right. Or that I wasnt giving her any emotional support. She stopped giving sex to me telling me if I opened up more she could feel comfortable with me again. More arguments arrived fueling her anger. Til we started hitting each other. Every day there was conflict over little things. And I end up losing in an argument whether either of us are right. And everyday I retreated more and more into myself. Began drinking alot. Because I couldn't change in the time she wanted. She was always on different types of social media. Ignoring me. Wasn't talking to me. Then something told me to look at her phone one night. Found out she was talking to a guy she works with for months now. She again played the victim. Saying I wasn't there for her and that she didn't know what to do. I exploded and hit her yes and she pleaded me to forgive her.  And for awhile I couldn't. She kept going back to him. Texting him wen I fell asleep and ___. It was awful. Til one day she said I'm done with him. And everyday my paranoia would kick in to check her phone and she was right. But then accusations continued. I tried so hard to figure out what's wrong with me. So the rest of the time was strewn with her spiraling out of control. Seeing me less, staying over at friends house, smoking people up all the time, spending like crazy. She had a nervous breakdown recently. Had her hospitalized. And in that time, I finally was able to console a friend about it. Really opened my eyes to the fact that she has a personality disorder. And that I may have emotional detachment issues. I had the time to sit there and realize it wasn't me or at least all of it wasn't. Shes back now. We discussed a lot since then about it. Still tho, I'm having trouble feeling secure. I feel like shes gonna fall back again and this time I will be aware :/ i know this has been long but I need some advice. Is it worth to keep the relationship? Am in the wrong? What do I do to divert her rage? Her accusations? Thank for your time reading this guys

Hi Andhereiam21

There's a lot going on in your relationship. To help you determine how to move forward, I strongly encourage you to take a look at the tools and lessons in the right-hand side margin of this board. These resources can help you better understand your partner's behavior and also your own role in the relationship.

There are several parts of your post that really concern me such as the hitting, her suicide attempt and your drinking. Are you currently still drinking a lot? Is physical violence still an issue in your relationship?

At one point you convinced her to stop taking her meds when she was still living with her dad. Why did you convince her to do that? Was it perhaps because you thought the meds were negatively affecting her?

Your girlfriend was recently hospitalized but is back home now. Is she still getting help for her issues?

Hi Andhereiam21,
 

We can't tell you what to do, we can support you with the choices that you're considering to make. There are only two things that you can control, those are your thoughts and feeling which ties into the next thing
 
 
 I'd like to pose the same question, we can't control what someone else does, we can only control ourselves, it's difficult to make changes in a r/s if we're over drinking and there is physical violence both are destructive in r/s's.