BPDFamily.com

Hi
Just broke up - again with my BPD partner.
It's been on and off for five years with a good 2 years of no contact until 18 months ago.
I have supported her with everything from custody battle to finding a job & she's just this week called an abrupt end with zero compassion shown.
I'm so angry with myself for wasting more precious time on her!

So so sorry. Don't be hard in yourself, really, we have all been there, all tried again even when we knew better. All clung to the hope that if we loved them enough and tried hard enough it would work. Plain fact of the matter is they need us until they don't. We love them until we can't. Feel your anger, let it flow until the new rawness subsides, then you can start getting things into perspective again. Would give you a big hug but my huggy things don't seem to be working. Big hug anyway.
Love from
Sadly x

Hey Bella, Welcome!  Agree w/Sadly.  Many of us, including me, have recycled numerous times on the theory that if I tried harder, it might work out.  One day my T asked me, ":)o you think you have tried everything to save your marriage?"  I replied, "Yes, I do."  She said, "I think so, too."  It was a lightbulb moment  :thought: because my T had never given me her personal opinion before.  At that point, it was all over but the shouting.

LuckyJim

Thank you for the validation and support. This website has literally changed my life. I'll now be working on my issues in therapy, the issues that kept me going back.
 

Sorry Bella. As cliche as it sounds we all know that nothing is time wasted if we learn from it. And you have learned from this. Even with a recycle you were learning the whole time. So much easier said than done. I know. But now you truly know that this is a personality disorder that just can't be changed without that person seriously changing their lives. And no amount of time apart will mend that or change if they don't want it for themselves. A lesson we have all learned/been learning hard.

And I'm not Mr. Perfect here. I'm sure I'll be recycled one day. And all this stuff I'm spewing will mean nothing when I have to apply it to myself. But being aware of that means I can possibly combat it when it arrives again. Don't hang your head! You are a strong one for sure!

Yikes this is my biggest fear because each time I get/allow myself to be recycled always ends in utter waste of time. Good for you for seeking therapy!