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Title: She Texted Me... Post by: _Joy_ on March 23, 2017, 09:01:52 PM Hello all!
I posted on here about a month ago because I was struggling with how people were trying to guilt me into talking to my BPD mother again. Back in November she said some incredibly hurtful things to me and I cut off contact. I am pregnant with my first child and I decided that I didn't want her to have a relationship with my child if she doesn't get help. I haven't heard from her in months until tonight. She's asking if she's going to get a relationship with my child. Does anyone have advice on how to effectively communicate to her that she needs to get help before she can get back in our lives? I feel the need to protect my child from her and I can't let her back in with how she currently behaves. Please let me know your thoughts. Thanks! Title: Re: She Texted Me... Post by: Naughty Nibbler on March 24, 2017, 06:34:07 PM Hi _Joy_:
One possible way to answer is to use a group of "I" Statements, as a reply to her text. Perhaps it would be best in an email. First, check out the info. below to either get acquainted with or refresh your understanding of "I" Statement: The 19-minute video at the link below is a helpful tutorial for using "I" Statements: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDExNRJCUp0 The template and sample below could be helpful as well. Quote from: from: www.kimscounselingcorner.com/feelings-2/own-your-feelings-with-i-statements How To Use I-Statements: Start by identifying how you feel: mad, sad, frustrated, etc. I feel __________ State the reason you feel this way or what happened that led you to those feelings. when __________ Try to identify the reason the person’s actions led to those feelings for you. because __________ Let the person know what you want instead. I would like __________ . Example: Your spouse snaps at you during dinner and it really hurt your feelings. Here’s an I-statement to use with this scenario: I feel hurt when you snap at me like that because I worked hard to cook this nice dinner for us. I would like you to use nicer words and tone with me, and to know if something happened today that has led you to be in a bad mood. Sample 1 I need interaction between us to be mutually respectful and supportive. I am fearful to let anyone into my child's life, unless they demonstrate that they can consistently treat me with respect. if I'm not treated with respect, then I have to assume that my child won't either. Sample 2 I feel insulted when I'm called names. It is disrespectful. I don't have the power to stop anyone who participates in name calling, but I can choose to not associate with them. What would you like to tell your mom? Want to take a crack at your own "I" Statements? |