BPDFamily.com

Hi Guys

Posting just because I need to get my feelings out.  I'm having a hard time lately with my daughter self-harming; she's just turned 12 and really pushing my buttons lately.  We are similar in character so we tend to feed off one another's annoyance which doesn't help.  It was her birthday yesterday and it started off as a nice day but due to more distrust with her it ended not very nice with her shouting at me and her dad that it was the worse birthday ever whilst stood there in her expensive trainers and sports wear that she was bought for her birthday then stomped upstairs and didn't bother saying goodnight.  £300 total spent on her birthday for it to end with her making me feel like utter cr&p.

This morning was no better; whilst getting for work and putting on my make up I started to cry.  Mostly because of the way she is behaving at the moment but also because of how people who I get close to treat me; which includes my friend.  I don't understand why I have this ability for people to reject me when I try hard to make their lives better by being a great mum or good friend.  Its been 10 days NC with my friend now and I'm not confident this time round that we will make amends.  Part of me wants to but also part of me knows this cycle cannot continue.  I'm normally a strong person and once I decide I've had enough I normally stick to my convictions but its at times like this when my daughter seems to hate me so much and my husband isn't particularly great with the situation I need an outlet which my friend used to provide.  Even my mum isn't approachable at times as she's not great at showing her feelings and hides behind a tough exterior so its hard to get any sympathy from her.  I guess her being 8000 miles away doesn't help.

I feel tired, drained and most of all just dejected.  Its my birthday on Sunday and also Mother's Day in the UK and I am dreading it; hate my birthday as it feels everybody is being false.  To me its just another day sadly.  Last year my friend sent me a happy birthday text and that made my day as I wasn't expecting one; I doubt I'll even cross his mind this year.  

Despite feeling like I want to reach out to my friend (even though I know he would react badly) I won't and will continue with NC even though my heart feels heavy.

Sorry for the long post.

Hang in there, Izzy... .

and Happy Birthday from Illinois, USA!

I am sorry you are having a hard time right now. I experienced something similar. After my ex left my friend and co-worker of over 8yrs and I had a falling out. The falling out was over something very stupid and trivial and she went completely silent, wouldn't let me talk at all and then proceeded to slander me.

Two years later and now she is coming around my office like nothing ever happened! No apologies, nothing, yet she is engaging me like she used to.

NC helped me tremendously and I admit it was very hard. We see each other five days a week. She sits three cubicles away from me.

The two years of stone cold silence from her and NC gave me time to reflect. She was not very nice to me. She is older (in her late 50's, I am in my early 40's) and she would call me dumb sometimes. She was very parental and "always right".

The only time she would ever apologize is when I stood up to her. I don't believe you should have to do that in a real friendship.

Two months ago I was thinking about her a lot and feeling bad. We used to hang out on the weekends and do things together. I was always invited to family parties and close with her 20yo daughter, thought of her like a little sister.

Anyways, as sad as I felt I know being friends with her is not healthy. Someone has to end the pattern and it has to be me. I realized this as she came to my desk this week to speak badly of co-workers, knowing she slandered me to my department and told several people my personal business (she does not know I know this).

Please do something just for you on your birthday. Go see a movie or get a massage. You deserve it. I know these moments of reminiscing are hard but they are also fleeting. You are doing fantastic staying the course and protecting you.

You deserve a friendship that is reciprocal, where there is give and take. They do exist.   

make a pro and con list. include all of the emotional notes, texts, experiences, arguments and irrationalities. Read it over carefully and decide if you want to re engage in the same treatment. They do not change... .except to be a chameleon.