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Alright. I think I'm putting this down as much for myself as anything else, but I had a pretty stark realisation a while back.

If anybody is like me, and was devalued, discarded, and just generally made to feel worthless, like you're not even fit to breathe the same air they do, don't believe them. Have some self-respect. They want you to feel that way. Don't let them win. Don't attack them back, just rise above it.

Just thinking about it, you shouldn't give a damn about what they think. Why should you care what someone so vindictive, so cruel, so hostile thinks about you? You're worth more than that. You don't have to prove yourself to anyone, especially not someone like that.

Thinking back on some of the things she did, I tried to imagine myself doing the same, and I can't. For example, she's just turned out a report. She shows it to me, whether for advice, or because she's particularly proud of it. My response? This is pathetic. Your handwriting is disgusting. Everyone will think you're an idiot. You'll never get a job.
So they get on the radio. They show you it. How do I respond? Am I happy for them? No. I attack them for it. Saying they sound like a moron, that it's embarrassing, that it it's riddled with verbal tics and they sound like a retard.
So they show me a picture of me that they've got on their phone. They say I look really handsome in it and they really like it, try to praise me. My response? What the hell do you think you're doing? Don't say stuff like that, god you're pathetic.

So I tried to imagine myself saying all that, and I couldn't. Because, that's just, no. You don't say that. And you shouldn't think it's acceptable. And still, they make out that you're the bad guy, that you're crazy, that you were abusive, that you're worthless, that you're not even on their level. That they were perfect.

No. Just no. You shouldn't give a damn what someone that pathetic thinks of you. Don't buy into their lies and manipulation. Live your own life, for you. Reality will catch up to them eventually. 

Wfs,

You deserve to be respected and supported like any other human being. Being ridiculed and insulted is verbal abuse and should not be tolerated. We all deserve more. Hang in there and remember how badly you were treated when you feel weak and think about making contact. I known that sure helps me to stay strong.

my ex would seem to get off on being rude or subtly verbally offensive; she would say I had no sense of humour.

Same here. He smiled when ne was insulting me. Then: I am joking. You are so oversensitive.

total lack of respect

Yep I was too sensitive. Even when she was saying FU which happened about once a week. It's normal for your partner to say FU and threaten to break up weekly and then an hour later talk about marriage right... .