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Title: Severe boundary reaction in progress NOW Post by: doublejeopardy on March 26, 2017, 01:07:40 PM Here we ago. Again. Did my calm assurance that I'm using this site to learn better ways to communicate because I love him and care for him justify his walking out after accusing me of demanding a divorce (never happened; he's just lost in his altered interpretations--again). Nope. So what? The reality is the same: he just can't embrace or comprehend that reality.
So here I sit and type, while he's lost to reason and apparently blindly hell-bent on destroying what's left of his job and his (4th) marriage to me: all under the strain of an unusually HOPEFUL custody/visitation motion with his children. Suddenly, he's asking permission to use "my bathroom" before storming out for lunch so he won't be eating "my" food. Suddenly he's spouting out all his fears and anger on the only steady person in his life. It is exhausting being that person. I can't deny that except for the crushing debt we're under and the general agony of divorce, a growing part of me wouldn't mind the peace. When he returns eventually today, assuming he doesn't follow through on his hotel room/separate apartment threat we can't afford, how do I act? Whether he returns sullen, silent and moody, or spewing more irrational fears and assumptions, what response is most likely to help calm him so he can think clearly? Zero communication is possible in his current state. It's unusual to last a full day. Title: Re: Severe boundary reaction in progress NOW Post by: doublejeopardy on March 26, 2017, 02:08:38 PM me again. An hour later, he's returned home at least. went directly to his computer game to avoid me and/or retreat, etc. Wish I had some feedback here, but maybe that's me seeking validation, right? I def sense that my still being online is aggravating him, and it's pretty tiring to me, too. time for a break. I'll check back in when it's less in his face, so to speak. I miss peace.
Title: Re: Severe boundary reaction in progress NOW Post by: Tattered Heart on April 07, 2017, 08:58:44 AM So sorry this post was missed. Has this situation resolved?
One of the hard things about living with a pwBPD is realizing that we cannot control their behavior. We can only control ours. He might walk out after you set a boundary. He might get mad. We validate and set boundaries not to control them, but to control ourselves, what is done to us, what we will put up with, and our own emotions. |