BPDFamily.com

Hello Everyone,

I've seen many posts from members concerned they will never share a deep connection with anyone else like they did with their exBPD. 

After being in a healthy relationship for a year ande a half, I am here to tell you... .  You can have that deep connection and strong love for someone without BPD.  The only difference is the timing of when you will have it.  It won't be at the beginning of the relationship like with the ex BPD. It will come over time.

I have moments with my husband now that give me flashbacks to month 1 or 2 with the unhealthy ex.  My husband and I love bomb one another daily but it wasn't like that in the beginning.  We grew together slow and steady.  He is my favorite person to be with, my cheerleader, my regulator and sometimes a pain in my butt.  I still absolutely adore him and would love to spend every minute with his fun loving cuddly big hearted self.  My love for him is so much stronger and deeper and it is consistently that way and most importantly... .the love is returned. :) 


My point here is... .you can have all the closeness, deep connection, love that you shared with a BPD partner with someone healthy and it is so much better.  You've just got to be patient and give it time to develop naturally and in a healthy manner.  Don't be so eager to walk away from someone because you don't "feel it as strong as you think you should."  Those type of connections SHOULD take time to develop.  If you are feeling it right off the bat then maybe that should be your red flag.

DO NOT SELL YOURSELF SHORT - go after the real deal.

Bunny

Dear dear Bunny
Thank you. I am so happy for you and your husband. Thank you for giving hope where it is so much needed.
All my love
Sadly xx

Hey bunny, Totally agree.  In my view, it's actually much better without all the turmoil of BPD.  I am in a r/s with a kind and caring GF who is quite supportive.  It's night and day compared to my marriage to a pwBPD.  As bunny suggests, our connection has only deepened as we get to know one another better.  We let things unfold naturally.  My advice: don't rule out the possibility of finding greater happiness in a post-BPD r/s.

LuckyJim

Thank you for this, it is so helpful to hear stories like this, we really appreciate you taking the time to post. It gives me hope and to know there is a better future out there for us all.

I have a special admiration for all of you that have suffered, recovered, moved on, found new love and still post messages of hope for the rest of us.  That is a true indication of the kindness in your heart - that you still care enough for those who are (currently) less fortunate.  Thank you Bunny and LJ... .it is very much appreciated.

I agree with the premise that growing in love is much healthier than love at first sight.
However, did we really have a strong connection? Or was it more of "I can tell that you are emotionally unhealthy in a similar but different way than I am so I have a primal attraction to you that mirrors my own damage."

Looking back for me it was as stated above.  Yes I thought I had a deeeep connection but really it was eroticism mixed with seduction mixed with fun, all wrapped up in a toxic blanket of intrigue.

Well said HOPE!

Thank you Bunny for posting this. I really needed to read this tonight.

Same goes for you Lucky Jim.