BPDFamily.com

  Was just referred to your site. I am in a toxic relationship and trying to escape it. Currently locked inside my bedroom. Relationship has been on and off for 5 years,but we recently moved in together to get away from public housing with all it's drugs, alcoholics,violence and vandalism. Not sure if either or both of us has BPD or not. We are both on disability for mental illness. He is diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia and is not consistent with taking his meds. I am chronically depressed with acute anxiety, but not clear about what my diagnosis truly is! Had thought I was Bipolar, but not so sure anymore! Changed therapists and doctors when we moved in November. Things escalated into violence within first 10 days! He admitted he had decided not to take his meds. His reasoning was that he had quit smoking and drinking over last 2 years and did not want to be addicted to anything- including his prescribed medication! He got back on them,but complains they just make him sleep! I resorted to counting his pills! Then March came in like a lion! Full out, knock down brawl! He wanted me out right then and there! But I have nowhere to go! No friends or family,hence why I could use some support and advice
  Therapist says I need to leave before one of us ends up dead or incarcerated! I have begun searching for somewhere to go but it is not easy when my monthly income is only $865!
  I really don't want to go back to public housing. It is a stressful environment for me. Also I have a cat that has been invaluable as an emotional support animal! But I have been a survivor in the past(save that for another day) and have always done what I needed to to make it.
Further, I am perfectly fine being alone, homeless,  admitting my faults and trying to fix or at least improve myself if needed. My life has been one big Greek tragedy! An endless roller coaster ride that I want off of. Have been hospitalized for suicide attempts.Everyone says I should write a book! Reality is so much better than fiction, right? Lol! My daughter abandoned me 8 years ago( willingly kidnapped by ex that stabbed me). I miss her so much! She was only 14! No idea where she is or if she is even alive! Ex passed away in October.
Ok, I apologise for overwhelming you! Gonna go now. Crying again... .

Hi Mone,

There's a lot going on in your life. When you posted this, you were locked inside your bedroom. How are things now?

You make several references to the violence in your relationship. This is something that concerns me, where are you now and do you feel safe around your partner? To help you assess your safety situation and aide in your safety planning, I encourage you to take a look at this document:
Safety First (https://bpdfamily.com/pdfs/safety_first.pdf)

You mention being hospitalized for suicide attempts in the past. I am very sorry you've had these struggles. Is suicidal ideation something you currently still struggle with?

When was the last time that you saw or spoke to your daughter?

Take care and I encourage you to keep on posting as you try to deal with this difficult situation

Hi Mone,  

*welcome*

I'd like to join Kwamina and welcome you to the site. I'm sorry that you going through a difficult time, you have a lot going on, I can understand feeling like there's no hope, you're not alone.

Kwamina gave you good info on what to do with violence in the home, please it a read, it'll only take a few moments of your time.

I can also understand that it's really hard when you don't have friends or family to turn to, this is a safe place where you can share your thoughts and feelings without being invalidated. I'm looking forward to reading more of your posts. Hang in there