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Around the time of this my BPD ex even told me all of her relationships have failed. Two of her r/s have failed since we split up. She's now onto her third.

Just thought I would remind you, BPD r/s all fail because of the way they are selfish, controlling and abusive.

Mine also admitted this, no relationship lasted longer than a month usually
Except his online one with a German girl. 
Mine knows he has issues and needs help and is reclusive so hopefully won't hurt another person.

Mine said she never had a good relationship. She never will either

It is very telling, self-prophercy. I find the patterns of behaviour are the real person behind the mask. A leopard never changes it's spots... .they do not change because they do not know who they are.

My exes Mother told me he was abusive to his girlfriends in the past... .I met him really young -he was 25, so I was the first real serious long term relationship (marriage) he had. He had only high school girlfriends and the girlfriend he had for 3 months before we met. So I don't have much to compare... .I think that is why I am so curious about his current one. Not healthy for me, I know.

I have to disagree with this.

The same could be said for all of us here who are currently single. Clearly our relationships did not pan out.

I want to remind you that just because our ex's are disordered does not mean someone can "work" with them. There are people out there with a high tolerance for pain. There are also people out there more co-dependent and willing to take abuse from your ex.

Look at this board... .some people were in 25-30yr marriages with them.

Just because they can "make it work" with someone else does not mean it's better. They are the SAME person, the same a-hole who did crappy things.

That won't change.

So just because your ex ends up with someone don't bank on it failing, it may not, but rest assured he/she is the same person and they weren't good for YOU.

Instead of focusing on if or if not their next relationships will work we should be focusing on ourselves and why that even matters. We've seen who they are. What further proof is needed?

My ex is diagnosed, in therapy and medicated...

Her longest relationship was me, of 4 years. Her 2nd longest was around 2 years.

The girl she is dating now seems to be co-dependent from what I was told months ago by my ex and seems to tolerate the abuse, but also seems to be affected by it a lot too...

My BPD ex has had every relationship fail. 38 year old stunningly beautiful. Had a child at 22 and that relationship failed 6 months after she gave birth. The 2 relationships prior to ours failed as well. Upon our breakup a year ago she recycled her ex bf from 6 years ago that gave her "hpv". That lasted 5 months. I fell for the recycle and that lasted 5 months as well.

She has never been engaged, married, or lived with a man which i now see why and is a gigantic red flag. Her behavior resorted right back to the abusive cycle with me and im sure with the ex she recycled last year. He got engaged to his ex gf 2 days before xmas and that sent my pwBPD into a complete tailspin demanding i give her a ring too!

I agree with this 100%. The fact that they're relationships will fail is a given; a constant.  It make take 10 years, it make take 2 months... .but they will be the same person with the next Mark than they were with us.  If they are in a longer, more "stable" relationship... .it's because the mark has whatever supply they need at that time (money, a house, reproductive organs, air in their lungs, etc... )

The real focus here is not whether or not their relationship will fail... .but instead why did we allow ourselves to be put into a position where we allowed ourselves to continue in a doomed relationship.  After all, I think all of us here knew deep down, right off the bat that these relationships would never be more than ephemeral.

I will not go through a relationship like these again.  First sign of "trauma" in the past, I'm out.   Can't save the unsavable; its like trying to use a hand pump to remove water from the sinking Titanic.  Exhausting... .and in the end, you're still going down with the ship. But only if you allow it.

For me, life is allow about making boundaries and sticking to enforcing them. Without fixing her issues She will continue to date and drown many men, it's sad for all involved... .but since there you cannot install a warning label on the disordered... .it's no longer my problem.  

never a truer word said... it's easy for us to look at things and justify the failings by laying the blame at someone elses door. We want to feel better... some how.

Well said. I needed to hear that tonight.

IMHO when and if ( a big "if" which I cannot even fathom now or want to deal with) I tell the next gal about my relationship history, she might run for the hills. This is what it looks like... ." first wife had no need for me after our baby was born and refused to go to CT and we ended up divorcing, second marriage my wife became an alcoholic and after several failed rehabs and an arrest, I filed for divorce and third marriage failed due to my wife's uBPD/NP, verbal, emotional and financial abuse and my inability to tolerate it"

I'm no choir boy but it sure seems like its an " all them" situation which would be a big red flag in addition to the OBVIOUS 3 strikes (divorces).

My stbexuBPDw told me the same thing... .it was "all them"... .everybody let her down... .her family... friends... exes... .

Perhaps in the same way we believed the pwBPD, maybe, just maybe, a nice person will believe us. The only difference is that we will prove to be relatively sane and not disordered.

I'm the same as you... .my story would be similar. We all have baggage... .especially if the toxic relationship patterns compound.

However, I think there is difference is though... .a big difference... .in that we are not looking to be rescued, or to imply needing to be resumed from trauma in our pasts... .and then do everything in our power to sabotage that "rescue" in a subversive manner.

Like my most recent waif/hermit ex... .I asked all the right questions on our first date after I learned about BPD and personality disorders including, "what happened with your relationships in the past?"

Her response,  "most of the guys I dated were physically or mentally abusive, the last guy I was with hit me".

At that point, I knew this was not a winning situation for me... .but me, being an empath... .I made the wrong decision and decided to become her rescuer and show her that not all men are like that.  She was a 5'2, 105 lb soft spoken beautiful blonde... .I admit, that captured me in on a shallow level... .but she came across as a delicate, sweet, quiet woman; my rescuer mode immediately enabled. 

As the months went by, she created "drama" out of nowhere... .including public rages and tempertantrums... .she wanted me to "fight for her" ALL. THE. FREAKING. TIME.  She was controlling, manipulative, and it was her way or the highway.  After I verified her cheating, I finally took the highway.   

We've experienced messed up relationships being on the other end of the disordered pair, however we are looking to learn and grow from our failures... .and hopefully not repeat it... .or in my case, repeat it a few times until I finally learn. That is why we are on this board.

However,  the disordered are not.  They are just looking for their next victim... .and to create and thrive in the next dysfunctional relationship until they are discovered or exhaust their supply.

We are now the new "abuser".

Man, they apparently have the worst luck... .picking all these people that abuse them with their unconditional love.  Ha.  

My Xw never talked about her past r/s's, never talked about her past ever. All Xw ever told me, even when we dated is that no one in her life ever treated her as horrible as I did. The only thing she said about past BF's is how good they treated her and how awful I was.

I am no one to judge relationship failures. I have failed at all mine, with disordered and non disordered partners. I am trying to figure out what is wrong with me in my relationships, and will let me ex figure out hers. It's better not to reflect on their success or failure I think as it just leads to unhealthy thinking and ruminating.

"Perhaps in the same way we believed the pwBPD, maybe, just maybe, a nice person will believe us. The only difference is that we will prove to be relatively sane and not disordered."

This rings true for how I feel as well. I feel damaged, even though I keep working on myself. I guess we are not going to be able to tell anyone about our history without looking like we are traumatized either. That doesn't feel very good.

My ex is mildly BPD, in therapy and stopped taking her meds because of how they made her feel... .

She cheated (very early) on the guy she replaced me with and is forever trying to charm me, I assume when the new guy isn't paying her enough attention.

They can't sustain relationships, based on what I have seen.

I agree on not judging (we're all single here, BPD's are not damaged through choice). I do, however think it is helpful to remember that they won't do better in the next relationship, and therefore there is nothing we could have done - which is reason not to ruminate. Different things work for different people.

This is a tricky one. As someone on the dating scene who has had the past experiences with several questionable women, now each time I meet someone new, they will always ask first question, why am I single? Got no kids? Etc etc... Being an honest person I've usually told my new date a few things about what I've experienced without too much detail, and the reaction can be like: well I'm not a loony, I'm me, I don't want to be judged, or tarred with the same brush! Obviously not a mature reaction really, and no empathy that I may well be a little cautious; I have a right to be, but I'm not letting previous experiences or people put me off trying to meet someone new, or better. It might be better to simply say: I've not found the right one yet, and leave it at that. It depends on the maturity of the person I guess. But I think anyone who's been on the internet dating scene for any length of time will soon realise that it is the playground of the disordered. So we all try to pick our way through it.

Being cautious about dating can make people think you are judgemental. That's not a good thing, you have to try not to show it, but that is really hard. You get tarnished, jaded by your experiences. Time will be the only thing that can free you of this, and become a more open and fun loving person again, but that is dangerously letting your guard down. At least we have experiences and hopefully see red flags.