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Title: Silence Post by: UnforgivenII on April 02, 2017, 01:53:10 PM Silence. I know. I wrote about that already. But today is a bad day. Pain comes and goes in waves, so please bear with me today. Am I the only one subjected to silence? To its deafening sound? He conditioned me to think he would be back, as last time there were 3 months of silence before the first recycle (and the last as far as I am concerned). But it crushes me. More than anything. Maybe I should be grateful for it instead. Enjoy the silence, like Depeche Mode song. But tell me what you think, guys. Why the silence? To make me feel like nothing? I have read all I could about the silent treatment. Being no contact, the ball is my court (but it does not feel like that, as I said). But I would like to hear your opinion about that. Title: Re: Silence Post by: In a bad way on April 02, 2017, 02:03:15 PM Today is a bad day for me also, I've tried to post but I don't know where to start because I can think of so many titles and subjects to post.
Silence is killing me too, silence in this house alone and never having heard from her for 9 1/2 months. I actually envy you if as you say the ball is in your court as far as NC. Title: Re: Silence Post by: UnforgivenII on April 02, 2017, 02:08:05 PM Oh do not envy me. What I mean is... .they give the silent treatment to us. We go NC. We stop playing.
I stopped playing. I guess it is the only possible way to answer. Someone who loves you would never do something like this. Never. So we walk away. There is nothing else to say. But many times it is a power play or a punishment. Or many things... . ... .but if it meant for me to make me running back, it will never work. I'd rather die for the pain, but with dignity. in my house. He will never see this. Title: Re: Silence Post by: Idsrvt2 on April 02, 2017, 02:21:55 PM From what I am learning those of us they recycle is that they condition us to anticipate them contacting us again within a certain timeframe.
I'm struggling as we both have protection orders and this has forced no contact, I'm used to us breaking up a few days and getting back together. so I'm really grieving now... .and then in a few months back in court and the orders are lifted and who knows what then. He once told me once he's done with someone he's done... .I just don't know... I guess we need to ask why is it so important that we hear from them... we know they are not mentally healthy and are not capable of connecting with people. I just hope one day all of us find happiness again. Title: Re: Silence Post by: g2outfitter on April 02, 2017, 03:09:49 PM The silence is deadly... .but it's the expectation that they will contact us and the disappointed when they didn't that's worse. Even if we know it's best that they don't. They weren't able to meet the minimum of expectations when they were with us, so they sure won't now.
You have to condition your mind into knowing that you will never hear from them again. Then you won't feel the constant pangs when they don't. The part of your life in which they were involved has ended and as sad as that is, it's reality. I want more than anything in the world to hear from and to have my life back with my exBPD but I can't because I know even if it did happen it would be temporary and in time she would leave again. Truthfully speaking, the silence given to me is strictly because she has moved on. It's very unhealthy for me to put my life on hold just because I want the silence to end. It won't. I've stopped looking at my phone every 2 minutes... .I'm up to 4 now, . I know she won't contact me and because of that the pain of dissappointment is no longer. |